What Marriage in Maine Meant for Me

Dana Hernandez is a straight white married mother of two young children. But in campaigning for No on 1 and reporting Election Night outcomes for Advocate.com, defeat hit her like a ton of bricks.

By Dana Hernandez

MAINE ELECTION CRYING X390 (THE MAINE CAMPUS) | ADVOCATE.COM

COMMENTARY: The grand ballroom at the Holiday Inn by the Bay will forever be etched into my memory. It was here in Portland, Maine, that history tiptoed its way past the door and snuck down the street to celebrate victory two blocks away.

I arrived at the press table to cover a story close to my heart: Maine’s fight to be the first state in the nation to successfully defend same-sex marriage at the ballot box.

Yet I am not "one of them."

I arrived at the press table as one of those “straight allies” discussed so much. I am a straight, white, married mother of two young children. There’s hardly a minority bone in my body. I married my husband of six years in a Catholic ceremony — something impossible for a gay or lesbian couple to even dream of today. It felt like a bruise on my shield of activism as I began my night, but I was accepted with open arms by the pro-gay bloggers in the press.

The crowd was also full of people like myself. Parents with their children, couples of all ages, both gay and straight, single friends, and campaign staffers walking on air. This was the night we had all been waiting for.

“This campaign has been very well run,” beamed Rea Carey, executive director of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. “Political people here in Maine have never seen anything like this. I think it’s going to go our way.”

That was the consensus of everyone I spoke to. We were headed for victory. Volunteers and campaign staff arrived energetically as the polls neared closing time. There were many shared hugs between friends, strangers, and bloggers meeting for the first time. Drinks were being poured and the band began to play. It was a place that held big promises and excited the hearts of those people who worked so long for this day. Even for a straight ally like myself.

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Reader Comments

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Name: Sue Parsons
Date posted: 11/8/2009 1:34:19 PM
Hometown: Crest Hill, IL

Comment:
Yes, we are all one of them. The campaign for human rights will continue unabated because sharing equal rights is imperative and natural and right. Think of Susan B. Anthony and Frederick Douglas and how long and how hard they fought for what was right. Onward! wherever we live, whoever we are.
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Name: newz4i
Date posted: 11/6/2009 3:25:56 PM
Hometown: Phoenix

Comment:
Name: Charles Camillus, NY Comment: Now is the time to ACT UP - By Any Means Necessary! I agree. I suggest we hold a sign during Catholic masses: We Don't Like Your Families Either.
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Name: newz4i
Date posted: 11/6/2009 3:22:25 PM
Hometown: Phoenix

Comment:
Name: SCB Hometown: Winston Salem Comment: I think people would be more tolerate if it isn't called "marriage" for gay people. If we accept "marriage" by any other name, we may as well call ourselves those who conned into couplehood.
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Name: Kristie Fisher
Date posted: 11/6/2009 9:31:52 AM
Hometown: Baton Rouge, LA 70806

Comment:
This may seem as a great event in history, however, this is a great move of evil! The devil is taking over, he has already possessed the people and now he wants to have leadership. If he can have leadership and make their voice low then he has the world!
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Name: Charles
Date posted: 11/5/2009 11:34:22 AM
Hometown: Camillus, NY

Comment:
Now is the time to ACT UP - By Any Means Necessary!
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Name: SCB
Date posted: 11/5/2009 4:56:43 AM
Hometown: Winston Salem

Comment:
I think people would be more tolerate if it isn't called "marriage" for gay people. Word "Marriage" has been for a longggg timeeee is between man and woman. Why do we fight to get a word "marriage". If we call it "civil union" or "holy union" or even "living partner" or "partner in life" whatever you call it as long as we can get the same benefits in The State and Federal level and same protections like the word "marriage", I think people would care less and would support it. I do not know why we stuck in the word "marriage". Even the bible say marriage is not for everyone. If I am straight, I would feel unease too if gay people call it marriage. That's why there are words called male, female, straight and gay just to distinct one another. It would be easier on the paper work if the question is "what is your status?" single, married, divorce, civil union or slut..I thought gay people are more creative than straight people. I thought they would come out with words like va va boom or entrechoquer or fondre, attache, liaison instead of "marriage".
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Name: Mark
Date posted: 11/5/2009 12:41:11 AM
Hometown: Tesuque

Comment:
Sorry Teddy C but it is the church / christians who are creating this stereotype. Admittedly, not every single solitary christian is this bigoted, but, and this is the big but, those that aren't need to stand and be counted and stop acting like a bunch of damn sheep and get some balls. When people site the bible as their reasons against gay marriage then they're setting themselves up. That little book of myth is being used and used wrongly!
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Name: Dinei Leao
Date posted: 11/4/2009 7:01:17 PM
Hometown: San Francisco

Comment:
To Teddy C / Lancaster PA. -- The righteous christians the ones behind the these stupid ballots in the first place. If they want to inflict the remaining of the population with their bigotry I say: All the fucking churches should loose their tax-exempt status.
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Name: Teddy C
Date posted: 11/4/2009 5:59:21 PM
Hometown: Lancaster PA

Comment:
I guess it wasnt meant to be. Can we please give up now? As usual, the right ultra- conservative Christians are blamed. Did it ever occur to anyone that maybe there are a lot of other people out there that don't support gay marriage? Its getting ridiculous to assume it just one group of people. Lets stop stereotyping Christians for once.
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Name: Carlos
Date posted: 11/4/2009 5:10:39 PM
Hometown: Montreal/Canada

Comment:
I am very sad to know that the marriage law has not been accepted in Maine, but not surprised at all. I do not know what to say for my GLBT freinds in Maine. In the U.S. the right ultra- conservative Christian wing is very strong, they have money... they appeal to threats such as " you will not go to heaven...or God will be desapointed if you accept GLBT People. For me, living in Canada, a small population compared to the U.S. we GLBT have all the rights as the hetero community have, it is the law, Ia m not saying that we have our own homophobes here as well. It is funny to see american soldies going into wars trying to promote democracy and civil rights in foreign lands and in their own country they have none. Very sorry!

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