Summer TV is here. So where's the brainless fun? Coverage of the California supreme court's Prop 8 ruling or Wipeout! ? Decisions.
Honestly, if this entire column could be about how great Wipeout! is -- and is there anything not to love about people getting knocked on their ass by low-tech obstacle course punishments in which they're punched, thrown into icy water, and catapulted through the air past stuff that's on fire? -- then I'd be way happier than I am right now. Instead I have to keep on talking about all the knuckleheaded fools parading endlessly across my TV screen telling me about why I don't understand the true nature of marriage and how I shouldn't be allowed to have one.
Since the California supreme court's decision the other day, I've been revisited by that smug little dummy of a beauty queen whose name I've just grown weary of writing, a moronic ex-NFL pastor from a megachurch in San Diego who thinks that his chosen religious beliefs should also be inflicted on me and my husband, even though we don't remember signing up to be members of his congregation, and a Texas congressman who thinks it all has to do with the government's need to police public "morality."
The former NFL guy is named Miles McPherson and he's now a minister in San Diego and getting an unusual amount of career traction thanks to CNN and Larry King, on whose show he debated lesbian comic Carol Leifer. Leifer was boringly polite to him, refusing to tell him that he was being illogical and that his beliefs were fascist, allowing McPherson to just blather about how kids without fathers wind up in jail and that the next step after gay marriage is group marriage and child molestation (in his words, "marrying a minor," like how Jerry Lee Lewis did back in the good old days when gays knew their place and kept their mouths shut about everything). And in spite of there being a professional funny person involved in the debate, the biggest crack-up lines came from Larry King. "Same sex. It stays on board here," he says as a segment opener, and if anyone can figure out what that even means, then please contact me. Later he asked Leifer why gays just didn't leave things as they are. Why keep fighting? Her response was something about how it's a civil rights issue and that time is on our side and blahblahblah. But the real reason is BECAUSE WE'RE BORED NOW THAT THE L WORD IS OFF THE AIR, LARRY.
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Dave White is the author of Exile in Guyville. Find him at www.imdavewhite.com .