Tim Gunn Book on Celibacy, Antigay Dad

I LOVE Tim Gunn's book "Gunn's Golden Rules" - Life's Little Lessons for Making it Work. It is about time a prominent figure talk about the SAD FACT that people live as "it's all about me" today. I have been of the same opinion for years now thinking I possibly was only one of the few people who thought this same way and things NEED TO CHANGE. Thank you Tim for publishing a book that IS NEEDED today to teach people it's NOT all about ME and to teach proper etiquette people should follow. I applaud you and thank you for bringing this huge problem out into the open. Hopefully people will LEARN to shape up and go back to the old values that still DO work today if you "Make it work!".

Celibacy got a rise out of a lot of readers (no pun intended). Why are people so intent on imposing their views on others? Isn't this why we're so disgusted by religious zealots? We don't want people to impose their views on us. So why not respect Tim Gunn and everyone else who chooses celibacy? It's not necessarily unhealthy for him. Sex doesn't have to be the defining activity in ones life. It's really no one's business why. It's a personal choice. Human contact, affection and sex can be great; it can also be traumatizing. I'm still alive 29 years after being exposed to HIV because I was so traumatized by my partner's infidelity that I couldn't bring myself to be physically close to anyone for years, thus protecting myself from further exposure. Physical intimacy follows emotional, it's not separate for me. I understand Tim's thought process and respect it. When someone worthy appears, hopefully Tim will be open to exploring it. He deserves an honest, loyal partner.

A.M.: You're an idealist, good luck to you. But monogamy is biologically unnatural for the vast majority of men. It would be bizarre for the gay community to impose a hetero-normative standard of monogamy (minus the usual religious strictures - how would that even work?).

Wow. And here I thought I was the only one who'd been hurt, turned celibate, and have gone without sex for a decade. Am I happy with it, though? No. I wish it would be different. I wished I could find someone to share my life with. I wished that gay men were more able to commit to monogamous relationships. I wish I could trust again, and that I could have a happily ever after life. I just know that life doesn't work like that. I've accepted it. I'm not happy with it - but I accept it. Thanks, Tim, for letting me know I'm not alone, and that it's OK to be alone, but not lonely.

Tim Gunn is a total idiot!! He sure did not have any fun. And it is nonsense to try and blame his dad.

Ok, I hope Curtis' theory is right! I'll try the show (hadn't heard of it b4 this). If Tim had "chosen" sluttiness instead of celibacy, the puritanical commenters on this site would be appalled - for all the wrong reasons, but they'd still be "right" because it wouldn't be a healthy response to something from 20 years ago.

Jenna - Thanks for adding about gretchen,,,, Greg - in a team challenge gretchen was belittling those less skilled as her and not allowing them to develop or express them self, Tim stole my heart as a comrade (not as a lover) for speaking up about it, he does like her work and as a leader just needed to correct a negative situation and the result will be better for all including gretchen who didn't intend to hurt anyone but now knows. ... as for blaming Tims therapist i think blaming anyone for how he became celibate for this long is counterproductive and baseless assumptions. -- my thought is why is he coming out with this now? its probably because he has already met someone or a change in his life has occurred and this book is about him already overcoming this part of his life and i think it would be extremely helpful to anyone who might relate especially those in his generation.

He didn't insult her for how she dresses! He told her off for bullying and manipulating other people to do exactly what she wanted and gang up on someone who had no idea what they were about to do to him. As best anyone can tell, he actually likes her designs, just not how she's treating other contestants.

Curtis - Well if Tim "stole your heart" by insulting a woman for how she dresses (?), that is another negative gay stereotype we can do w/o IMO, but maybe you guys might hit it off. :) I agree with the rest of your point, but I don't know him. His therapists (if any) should not have encouraged this.

when people grow up in repressed environments it can have a complex effect on the psyche. the key to their survival is denying the self. because even the family will reject the real self. in some cases a threat of death is real. unraveling that is a very delicate thing. and often the deeply repressed are even further damaged by gay counterparts who coming from more healthy environments will crucify the repressed and humiliate them on their late path to discovering their gay identity. so i think the most noble thing a fellow gay can do is be understanding of his plight and how he came to be there. its never too late, and after tim told off gretchen last week, he stole my heart, hope he gets some sex after this and someone who can understand him