Finally, Some Fighting

This week they’re designing “avant-garde” stuff. So, in the spirit of making sure that everyone knows what that really means, rather than the euphemism for the word “wacky” that it’s bound to come off like on basic cable, I’ve come up with some recent fashion stuff that is actually avant-garde. Cue Chris shouting, “Let’s go!”

1. Yoshikazu Yamagata and Mafuyu’s “My Town in My Home” collection. It’s a bunch of house-shaped outfits (with neck holes, so they’re wearable) crocheted from wool yarn. Cozy!

2. Dutch designer Silva B. created a series of leather gloves that feature the following: bandages, fake warts, moles with thread-hairs coming out of them, knuckle tattoos, age spots, and extra birth-defect thumbs.

3. Belgian designer Peter Bertsch’s “half plant, half human” collection.

I like this kind of thing. It’s got nothing to do with what you put on and go to work in, but I like it because every time I see something new like this it startles me a little. And I'm of the belief that being freaked out in a small way each day is as good as taking vitamins.

It’s also why -- aside from the lack of Shaolin-level battles going on in the workroom -- Project Runway will never fully satisfy my personal needs. Especially this season, when almost everyone is so damn boring. I mean, I have my favorites, obviously (Christian, Sweet P, Kit, Elisa), but no one's gone out of their way to soak the place in gasoline and light the match yet. So I find myself watching out of a sense of completist duty. And because I'm being paid to do it. Which is pretty great if you think about it. See, now I'm thinking about my next check and I'm happy again. OK, time to recap.

First of all, Project Runway, don't think you can just substitute a shirtless Ricky for a shirtless Kevin and think that’s going to make anyone happy. But here we are, looking at Ricky’s torso. Well, I'm not. I'm looking at the yuckers stack of hats on his windowsill. Near the window. A window that could open for fresh breezes to waft through. An escape hatch through which they could all commit hat suicide. I have dreams. Anyway, next week I want shirtless Sweet P. And Chris. Boobs and moobs. Let’s go!

Ricky next sits in a chair to talk about how he’s been nearly eliminated over the course of many challenges. “Ask me about any challenge. I've been up there,” he says, delivered in a way that suggests that each week of placing in the bottom two has been just as accidental as the wind suddenly blowing out of the northeast, a burp of the gods, absolutely nothing to do with his insistence on making the same Downs-y, borderline inept baby-doll dress over and over.

The challenge is to create an avant-garde look inspired by the model’s hairstyle. The look doesn't have to be practical or wearable. All it has to do is look like two planets crashed into each other in deep space. With a cute little waist. Tim Gunn lets the magic bag choose the teams. Kit and Ricky. Sweet P and Rami. Chris and Christian. Victorya and Jillian. Victorya goes in for the air-kiss on Jillian's cheek. Isn't that an excellent Art of War move? Establish dominance with fake affection. Be the top. Nice skill set there, V.