Speidi Makes Stephen Baldwin Sound Rational

Heidi's voice makes Spencer throw up. Satan makes Heidi throw up. Both of them make Stephen Baldwin seem rational. And now you're all caught up on I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here.

By Dave White

Spencer and Heidi Pratt

Paris Hilton must be pissed off right about now. While her back was turned, two people who are even more stupid, entitled, and gross than she is have ascended to the giddy shame-throne occupied by rarefied, useless idiots that America loves to hate. In fact, it would appear that Spencer and Heidi exist to make Paris feel as though she's accomplished, reasonable, and decent.

There is no good reason to watch them on I'm a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here . Well, OK, there's one. They're born again now. In case you weren't keeping up with the details, Stephen Baldwin assisted them with this. Suddenly their lives have become way more fascinating to me.

Best part of the most recent episode I saw (so you don't have to watch it, because seriously, why would you if you weren't being paid to do so like me?) was when Spencer described a moment in which Heidi began reading aloud from her Bible in a search for wisdom about whether or not they should remain in the wet Costa Rican jungle with Janice Dickinson or whether they should return to The Hills from whence they came. At the sound of her voice reading from Scripture, Spence began vomiting and sweating uncontrollably. When asked if he wanted her to stop, he demanded she continue while he puked up his guts.

Later, Heidi vomits. Both of them consider this barf to be demons that have been squatting in Heidi's soul. Stephen Baldwin is so into this that he eggs them on and encourages them to get real crazy with loud screaming to Jesus after he interprets their "prophetic dreams" and talks about one of his own.

So, keeping score:

1. Heidi's voice makes Spencer throw up.

2. Satan makes Heidi throw up.

3. Both of them make Stephen Baldwin seem rational.

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Dave White is the author of Exile in Guyville. Find him at www.imdavewhite.com .

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Reader Comments

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Name: Christopher
Date posted: 6/11/2009 5:24:00 PM
Hometown: Minneapolis

Comment:
I too thought Bette was incredibly snarky, to the point of snooty, towards Kathy. I've got to tell you that I've loved Bette all of my life, but this made me feel like I was watching a completely different person than the one I had come to love. I found myself getting irritated with the way she kept talking down to Kathy. For someone whose made a career out of being bawdy and crass I found it almost hypocritical of her to say those things to Kathy. I still love you Bette but not nearly as much as I used too.
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Name: Pat
Date posted: 6/11/2009 4:17:00 PM
Hometown: Miami

Comment:
The vomiting was the funniest thing ever! COME ON!! I just wanted to see her continue to get the demons out for the entire episode! So funny that with each retch someone would scream "Praise Jesus." Oy Vey! As for Bette, who knew she was so arrogant? BETTER than Kathy? Don't think so!! Still waiting for her long, painfully thought-out opinion about whether gays should have the right to marry. Damn, I wish I didn't waste so much time watching "Beaches."
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Name: Roy
Date posted: 6/11/2009 2:32:00 PM
Hometown: Madison

Comment:
Yawn.

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