The Believers

Few who follow the culture wars will forget the summer of Zach. In 2005 the parents of Zach Stark, a 16-year-old Tennessean, forced him to go to Refuge—a two-week day camp run by the Christian group Love in Action, which aims to help people leave the gay life behind them. But before Zach left, he blogged about it unhappily on his MySpace page. His writings spread like wildfire among his friends, caused international outrage, and led to protests outside the Memphis camp demanding that Zach and other teens not be enrolled there against their will.

The uproar brought new attention to so-called ex-gay Christian ministries that promise to deliver people from same-sex behavior or desires—ministries that have existed at least as long as their umbrella group, Exodus International, which was founded in 1976. Zach’s story also highlighted the little-known debate between proponents of ex-gay programs and so-called survivors of such programs, who said that they were not only scams but psychologically harmful to those who went through them.

Three years later, Zach is in college, has accepted his gayness, and appears in This Is What Love in Action Looks Like, a new documentary about the controversy. And in the small hothouse world where ex-gays face off with ex-gay survivors (sometimes called ex-ex-gays), changes are afoot. The survivors movement has grown to challenge the claims of ex-gay ministries. And Exodus—an organization that encompasses more than 120 ministries in the United States and Canada and is linked with 150 more affiliated ministries in 17 countries—has modified both its language and its focus in ways suggesting that even though it is far from disbanding, it is sensitive to criticism.

Could the two “sides” of this heated issue be merging? Not quite yet. But as I listened to the often heartbreaking stories of both ex-gays and ex-gay survivors, I realized that their efforts to reconcile gay feelings with their conservative Christian values and near-literal understanding of the Bible created a stronger bond with one another than with much of the rest of gay culture. As Peterson Toscano, a leader on the survivors side, put it, “We’re a ship of fools all together.”

Shifting Ground?

So what’s really changed since the world read Zach’s blog? For one thing, the doings of ex-gay ministries are more carefully monitored, as evidenced by a recent Southern Poverty Law Center report, “Straight Like Me,” and the website ExGayWatch.com, founded in 2002. David Roberts, one of the site’s authors, says its primary mission is “keeping an eye on what [ex-gay ministries] say and do in public,” and on “their relations with political groups.”

For more than a year, the website BeyondExGay.com has been a virtual gathering point for ex-gay survivors, many of whom now picket ex-gay ministries events and conferences and attempt to share their stories with attendees. Beyond Ex-Gay also holds conferences of its own. “Our primary goal is being a support group for ex-gay survivors,” says Toscano. Like Christine Bakke, who runs the group with him, he attended ex-gay ministries for years before finally accepting his gayness. “Our secondary goal,” Toscano adds, “is to talk about the harm of reparative therapy” -- therapy meant to de-gay you -- “in ex-gay ministries.”

Toscano and Bakke say BeyondExGay.com has had over 100,000 visitors in less than a year, and they’re proud of their accomplishments. Last summer they sat down with three Exodus leaders to air views over an informal dinner during Exodus’s annual Freedom Conference in Irvine, Calif. The meeting was well-timed since just two days earlier three former Exodus leaders (all now comfortably gay) publicly apologized at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center for any harm they’d caused. Three Australian former Exodus leaders soon added their names to the public apology.