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Can Marriage Equality Be Compromised?

Three key people immersed in different aspects of the marriage-equality effort weigh in on a New York Times op-ed attempting to forge a compromise on how the federal government handles same-sex unions.


Evan Wolfson

The February 21 edition of TheNew York Timesfeatured an op-ed by writers Jonathan Rauch and David Blankenhorn attempting to forge a compromise on how the federal government should recognize same-sex unions. They suggest that Congress acknowledge statewide marriage laws, extending federal civil union status to marriages and civil unions that are lawful in specific states, so long as those states also extend protections to religious organizations that object, legally exempting any such organizations from participating in same-sex unions.

We asked three key people immersed in different aspects of the marriage-equality effort to weigh in on Rauch and Blankenhorn's reconciliation.

Evan Wolfson, executive director of Freedom to Marry

Although I trust these writers are sincere, this is a misdirected solution to a phony problem. In 2006, for example, David Blankenhorn, a self-proclaimed moderate, participated in a debate with me on C-SPAN , and then wrote a whole book regarding his opposition to our freedom to marry. That opposition had nothing to do with "religious exemptions" (an odd concept when it comes to who should be able to marry) or anything in this piece.

The core of the real opposition we face is not really about marriage -- it's about gay. The same forces against our freedom to marry are also against its products, which include civil union and partnership. We will never give enough ground to appease them, nor should we. Why take on the burden of inventing and then selling a second-class, cobbled-together, unworkable new system with all its headaches and intrinsic and complex flaws (including this op-ed's dangerous and wholly unnecessary religious carve-outs and complete withholding of marriage itself) -- instead of the system that exists, marriage -- just because gay couples are starting to participate? Why surrender the moral high ground we are successfully claiming -- with principle, persuasion, patience, and persistence -- for an illusory common ground when, as witness the most recent and vociferous rejection of even civil unions and any such half-measure by the so-called moderate new chair of the Republican Party, Michael Steele, this is a nonstarter.

So-called compromises such as this are just a distraction from the real work at hand to address the real problem: the need to end the "gay exception" to marriage and fair treatment of families. We should not allow opponents to divert us from engaging the reachable-but-not-yet-reached public in the resonant vocabulary of marriage, which, after all, is what is moving us forward (as the creation and greater embrace of civil union itself shows). Our advocates should stop bargaining against us, and help engage people on the merits, making the case for why marriage matters and why equality is the right answer.

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Reader Comments
  • Name: Michael J. Carlon
    Date posted: 3/2/2009 11:05:00 PM
    Hometown: Palm Springs, CA

    Comment:

    No compromises. Not in California. Not fedrally. No compromises with politicians. No compromises with religions. No waiting and bidding our time. No compromises with 52% of California voters. None. No redoing Prop 8. Never! Clear enough? Clear California? Clear so-called gay leaders? Clear Ca courts? Clear Dems? Clear Mr. Obama? Treat us like partial citizens: we may well act like patial citizens. NO COMPROMISES!

  • Name: leftypowert
    Date posted: 3/2/2009 3:28:00 PM
    Hometown: Brooklyn

    Comment:

    I don't know why anyone's mythology should infringe upon my Constitutional rights. I have the right to marry whomever I choose. It is time for the Obama Administration to send members of the National Guard to every city and county clerk's office in America to open the doors to our partnerships. Until then, we'll be arguing with retards who continually demand to include their book of mythology into my rights and resposibilities as a citizen. I am a Christian. Whatsoever you do to the least of my people, that you do unto me.

  • Name: Art M.
    Date posted: 3/2/2009 3:14:00 PM
    Hometown: SF>CA>USA

    Comment:

    I'll keep saying this: if they want to say that civil unions are the same as marriage, then my monopoly money is the same as their US Government printed money to pay my taxes with. It's quite simple - I'll accept civil unions when they accept my play money. Deal?

  • Name: Bob
    Date posted: 3/2/2009 10:44:00 AM
    Hometown: Maine

    Comment:

    At the end of the day, separate is not equal. In my mind, it really is that simple. To be discussing a "compromise" is missing the point entirely. We are not second class citizens and we deserve the exact same rights as everyone else. Period.

  • Name: Peter Barnard
    Date posted: 3/2/2009 8:50:00 AM
    Hometown: St. Paul, MN/Bennington, VT

    Comment:

    I want the government out of my religion and religion out of my government. the government should convert to just having civil unions-as in my experience with my evangelical friends, the term marriage is the major sticking point. I'm sick of the self-righteousness of both sides on this issue. Personally, I will be getting married when I reach that point in my life and my partner agrees that it should be the next step. Besides him, my family, the people I interact with and GOD, what does it really mater? The civil benefits can be obtained in other ways-yes cohabiting couples regardless of gender should be able to receive a contract in order to receive the benefits without jumping through hoops- but just live the life. Get married and live it in you community-lead by example!

  • Name: Steve
    Date posted: 3/2/2009 8:08:00 AM
    Hometown: wichita,KS

    Comment:

    Robert, Please, I am begging you, do NOT pray for me. You'l lbe wasting your time. Gay I was made, and gay I shall die. If you are the christian you say you are then you know that at the last supper Christ gave to the disciples a new convent meaning all that in the old testement was then superceeded. As Christian our "marching orders" are the ne testement not the old. Again jesus NEVER denounced gay people.

  • Name: Ben
    Date posted: 3/2/2009 3:39:00 AM
    Hometown: NY

    Comment:

    In reality, it is gay people's freedom of religion that is being trespassed upon. There are several mainstream denominations in the US, comprising millions of members, which perform and bless gay weddings. When the Government refuses to acknowledge these unions, they are trespassing on the constitutional rights of the millions who practise these religions, favouring certain branches of Judaism and Christianity above others, and imposing a set of State Religions on minorities.

  • Name: Robert I Masters
    Date posted: 3/1/2009 11:06:00 PM
    Hometown: Nashville

    Comment:

    Steve, Another point is that All Scripture is Theo Nustas.....God Breathed! So God is speaking when Scripture says this in 1 Corinthians 6:9 9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous [1] will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, [2] 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. 11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. BTW---notice vs 11 Such WERE some of you. They used to be homosexuals now that the One True God redeemed them they were not homosexuals at all. He can do the same for you Steve...Iam praying for you. Robert I Masters From the Southern Baptist Geneva

  • Name: John
    Date posted: 3/1/2009 9:51:00 PM
    Hometown: Corvallis Oregon

    Comment:

    I think this March 2009 we will finally see the California Supreme Court uphold their original decision to maintain equal marriage rights for gay and lesbian same sex couples stating that a vote of the people cannot nullify a former established law or rule and that the final decision is up to the California Supreme Court who will decide based on the equal protection under the law civil code ruling as garnered by the legislative guidelines espoused in the State of California constitution. In other words I strongly believe there is no compromise when it has to do with equal rights for all and I think this is how they are going to rule this month.

  • Name: Christopher Hogan
    Date posted: 3/1/2009 2:33:00 PM
    Hometown: Saint Robert, MO

    Comment:

    Lets NOT get lazy when we are this close to winning is what I meant.



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