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Kids Say the Darndest Things


HUSBANDS AND HUSBANDS X390 (GRAB) | ADVOCATE.COM

Editor's Note: The video referenced in this story was removed from the web on Thursday, March 11.

Micah Schraft was combing through his computer files earlier this week when he stumbled upon a video he and boyfriend John Hill shot over Thanksgiving of Calen, the young son of his cousin’s close friend, wrapping his brain around the idea of two men in love. “I usually see husbands and wives, but this is the very first time I saw husbands and husbands,” he says excitedly, before declaring, “So that means you love each other.”

They do indeed. Together for almost a year, Micah had brought John home for the holidays to meet his family. They had been playing around with their new flip cam to capture some candid family moments at a day after Thanksgiving dinner with extended family.

In the video Calen engages them in conversation for about a minute before running off to play Ping-Pong, not giving the idea of two men in love any more thought. But the video, which the Los Angeles–based couple decided to upload on Facebook Monday, has already been seen by nearly 17,000 people and counting. FreedomToMarry.org posted the video, as have a number of other gay rights groups, seeing what Micah and John both saw — that kids get the concept of gay relationships far better than many adults.

Micah sat down with The Advocate to talk about the “husbands and husbands” discovery that blew young Calen’s mind.

The Advocate: So this was literally caught just spur-of-the-moment? You were playing with your Flip cam and he started talking about this?
Micah Schraft: I had brought John home to meet my family for the first time, so we were just filming to get reactions and stuff. I was walking by and John was in the bathroom, and I went, “What are you doing?” The door was open and he was standing there with this kid. He said, “Well, he asked me to help him wash his hands, and then he asked me who my wife was.” I think kids think that adults are married [laughs]. That’s just what they think. And so he sort of pulled me in to that conversation and said, “Well, I don’t have a wife.” And that’s where the conversation started. The camera was already on.

Did you show the video to the other people who were there?

I showed it to his mom, and then we sort of just left it on the computer until a couple days ago. I needed to clear some room off my hard drive and I was looking through these old videos. We always thought it was cute, so we just sort of cut out the parts where it was just us talking ... we were just sort of laughing and thinking, Oh, my God, I can’t believe this kid is talking to us like this. Then I sent it to his parents and said, “Isn’t this cute?” They thought it was adorable, and we told them we were going to put it on Facebook. This was 36 hours ago, and we woke up this morning and it was like, “17,000 people have viewed this video.”

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Reader Comments
  • Name: Stephen Schwartz-Fenwick
    Date posted: 3/22/2010 5:37:50 PM
    Hometown: Chicago, IL

    Comment:

    Jaydog5280, you said you downloaded the video. Could you contact me at sfenwick at gmail.com? I watched it once and it was so charming -- I would love to share this video with my friends but it has been taken down.

  • Name: Jaydog5280
    Date posted: 3/15/2010 6:47:45 PM
    Hometown: Denver

    Comment:

    I first saw this on Dan Savage's SLog recently. Like most, I couldn't help but be moved by Calen's absolute acceptance of the whole concept of same-sex marriage. "So that means you love each other!", he concludes. And that's what it's really all about. I'm saddened that the video was removed from YouTube, probably due to a flood of negative comments. I was able to download it before it was removed, and had considered loading it to my own YouTube page. After considering the feelings (and rights) of the couple who made it, I decided not to.

  • Name: Nora Burkett
    Date posted: 3/15/2010 2:41:14 AM
    Hometown: Riverside, CA

    Comment:

    I absolutely LOVE this video!!!! It is the sweetest thing!!! I watched it over and over and over during the short time it was available to see!!! When I went to show my kids, 13, 10 and 4.... it had been removed. I was so sad! It is so encouraging to see such an open minded little guy. He must have amazing parents.....Please don't change what you're doing! I'm sorry that we live in such a bitter world where people are afraid of others that are different than themselves. It was absolutely refreshing and renewed my faith in humanity to watch this precious child show such bewilderment, grasping, understanding and then acceptance all in a minute!!! Thank-you so much for sharing!!!

  • Name: Jeffrey F.
    Date posted: 3/12/2010 10:36:51 PM
    Hometown: Kennerdell, PA

    Comment:

    Why was the video removed? I would like to see it, as I'm sure some other people would. Could you guys post an update to the story, when you find out?

  • Name: Jill
    Date posted: 3/12/2010 10:19:40 PM
    Hometown: Winnipeg

    Comment:

    Why has the video been removed? It's the loveliest thing I've seen in a long time. Everybody should see it.

  • Name: Dan Emery
    Date posted: 3/12/2010 12:37:27 PM
    Hometown: Oconomowoc, WI

    Comment:

    The link in the story is bad.

  • Name: Neil
    Date posted: 3/11/2010 11:17:15 PM
    Hometown: Ramseur

    Comment:

    I was able to watch the video...click on "stumbled upon a video" in the text. Adorable, relevant. Just posted it on my facebook page.

  • Name: Esther
    Date posted: 3/11/2010 7:27:26 PM
    Hometown: Beaverton, Oregon

    Comment:

    I'm really sorry this video can no longer be seen. Watched it the other day and found it absolutely precious. Didn't have time to copy it to send out to our Gay/Straight Alliance, and now can't do that. This video is the sort of thing that keeps our kids positive and hopeful that their future will be in good hands. I'm sorry that people have used the anonymity of commenting online to harass the family. Now it (justifiably) can't be seen by others who would take so much good from it. Kudos to Calen's parents for raising such a cool kid, and to the families who found a place at the table for John and Micah.

  • Name: Beau
    Date posted: 3/11/2010 6:04:37 PM
    Hometown: Los Angeles

    Comment:

    I see this video is now labelled "private." I heard there were some really nasty postings aimed at the family and uncles, so it was restricted for their sanity (and probably their safety.) So much for open minds and acceptance.... It's sad that even a 5-year-old's innocent comments can bring out bigotry and hatefulness.

  • Name: Jeffrey1234
    Date posted: 3/11/2010 12:15:35 PM
    Hometown: Long Beach, CA

    Comment:

    I have gone over this with my 5 year old and at first he thought only men and women get married and I told him people in love get married and they could be two boys or two girls. At first he had to think about it but he got the idea and now it is not even questioned when I point out a gay couple to him.

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