A lesbian
Navy captain recalls how the events of 9/11 forever
changed the way she serves her country.
In response to
September 11, 2001, many people felt called to military
service in order to do something to defend our great
country. September 11 had the opposite impact on my
life. At 8:30 a.m. that day, I went to a meeting in
the Pentagon. At 9:30 a.m., I left that meeting. At 9:37
a.m., American Airlines Flight 77 slammed into the
Pentagon and destroyed the exact space I had left less
than eight minutes earlier, killing seven of my
colleagues.
On September 11,
2001, I was a lesbian Navy captain who, at that time,
had over 28 years of dedicated military service. My partner,
Lynne Kennedy, an openly gay reference librarian at
the Library of Congress, and I had been together for
over 11 years. Each day, I went to work wondering if
that would be the day I would be fired because someone had
figured out I was gay. In spite of that stress, somehow
Lynne and I had learned to deal with “don't
ask, don't tell"; we had made the requisite
sacrifices. I had pretended to be straight and had played
the games most gays in the military are all too
familiar with.
But after
September 11 our perspective changed dramatically. In the
days and weeks that followed, I went to at least seven
funerals and memorial services for shipmates who had
been killed in the Pentagon attack. As the numbness
began to wear off, it hit me how incredibly alone Lynne
would have been had I been killed. The military is
known for how it pulls together and helps people; we
talk of the “military family” which is a
way of saying we always look after each other, especially in
times of need. But none of that support would have
been available for Lynne, because under “don't
ask, don't tell,” she couldn't exist. In fact, had I
been killed, Lynne would have been one of the last people to
know, because nowhere in my paperwork or emergency
contact information had I dared to list Lynne's name.
This realization caused us both to stop and reassess
exactly what was most important in our lives. During that
process we realized that “don't ask, don't
tell” was causing us to make a much bigger
sacrifice than either of us had ever admitted.
Nine months
later—in June 2002—I retired after 29 years in
the U.S. Navy, an organization I will always love and
respect.
Today, six years
after that fateful day at the Pentagon, I am now
committed to doing everything I possibly can to get rid of
“don't ask, don't tell” so our military
can finally be open to all qualified and motivated
individuals who want to serve their country. This is the
right step for our country, for our military, and for
all gays and lesbians. I have great love and respect
for our country, but I know we can do better than
“don't ask, don't tell.”
-- As told to Steve Ralls
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