All in the Family

There was a time not too long ago when a typical evening in Mike Oberg and Gregg Valdez’s home involved a quiet family meal in the kitchen of their comfortable residence in Salem, Utah. During the meal they’d chat about their day and ask Little Mike, Valdez’s 13-year-old son, about school or skateboarding; if Valdez’s 17-year-old daughter wasn’t out with friends, she might join them at the table.

But that quiet evening ritual changed when Valdez’s niece, Antoinette Rudman, 34, had a drug relapse in mid September and called her uncle on a Friday afternoon to ask if he’d temporarily take care of her four young children. Valdez, who works as a case manager at a local prison, immediately jumped in his car to pick them up.

Though the family still gathers for dinner every evening, now there’s an excited energy at the table as the older kids chat and squabble. After dinner, the couple, who have been together for more than four years, spend most of the evening prodding the children to do their homework and to take their baths. Though Valdez calls the experience a “fun challenge,” he also wryly notes that “it’s not quiet anymore. And there aren’t leftovers anymore.”

In most states and in most cases, the agreement Rudman had made with Valdez about the care of her children wouldn’t merit much attention, since the person that a parent chooses as a temporary guardian is a private matter. But an assistant attorney general representing the state’s Division of Child and Family Services has argued that because Rudman was being monitored by the state for drug use, the arrangement violates a Utah state law that prohibits those cohabitating in a sexual relationship from becoming foster or adoptive parents -- a law that some critics say was designed to target gay and lesbian couples.

Following the legal challenge, the children have been allowed to remain in Valdez’s custody only because of an emergency court order; a hearing scheduled for October 29 will determine whether the children will be returned to their mother, will stay with Valdez or other relatives, or will be placed elsewhere.