"We turn up our
noses at friendships and relationships just because
the other guy is old enough to remember the 'Cougar' in John
Mellencamp."
At age 969,
Methuselah—who lived to be 12.5 times as old as the
average American and 2.3 times as old as Larry
King—was most likely not too picky about the
men he dated. Even in biblical times, I’m guessing,
it was generally understood that gay dating life ends
after 30. Being left out of the dating world for 939
years would be quite lonely. Which, as Methuselah
admits in Genesis 5:27, “is kind of a bitch.”
Why are gay
people so fascinated by eternal youth? We turn up our noses
at potential friendships, relationships, and opportunities
simply because the other guy is old enough to remember
the “Cougar” in John
Mellencamp—or, let’s face it, to remember John
Mellencamp in the first place. Considering how many
younger gay men won’t talk to—let alone
date—older gay men, one feels prompted to ask: If
we’d never judge someone for their race, how
can we justify judging someone for their age?
For me, it all
depends on whether we’re talking about friendship or
lust. If modern society agrees that being gay
isn’t a choice, then society should also
realize that we can’t choose who we’re
attracted to. People in general tend to date people
similar to themselves—whether that’s
because we find our own type attractive or we’ve
learned we have no other choice. You can see it at the
grocery store, movie theater, or community retirement
home—water seeks its own level, if you like.
People pair off
by height, by weight, by fashion sense, and definitely by
age.
Most younger gay
men want to date hot guys their age. I’m 26. Choosing
not to have a conversation with 51-year-old Nathan Lane
makes me ageist; choosing not to date 51-year-old
Nathan Lane makes me typical.
But that’s
just me. If every younger gay man were interested only in
guys his own age, Web sites like DaddyHunt.com
wouldn’t be as successful as they are.
Christopher Turner, the site’s founder, said in a
recent interview with the San Francisco
Chronicle, “I think when people see a young
man with an older guy, they think, Sugar daddy.… But
one thing people don’t see is that a lot of
people have a serious attraction to older
men—whether it’s physical, emotional,
intellectual—and feel more comfortable in
relationships with older men.” Turner would
know—his husband is Armistead Maupin, 27 years
his senior.
Ageism is not
confined to gays. It permeates society, ubiquitous as a
dancing-kitten YouTube video. But sometimes I think it hits
gay men the hardest, because it costs us friends as
well as lovers. If it hasn’t hurt us yet, it
will. After all, today’s young princess is
tomorrow’s old queen. Just ask Methuselah.
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