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Where the Boys Aren't

Finding old-school gay shame is more difficult than ever. Even at Christmas.


“You have to work on Christmas Eve EVE?” wailed my husband.

“People not having conniptions call it December 23. But yeah, I have to work.”

“But that’s White Christmas night!”

We had planned to go see White Christmas. I know, dorky. But we like it. It was playing at a revival theater here in Los Angeles. Somehow the husband believed I would take the night off from the every-Friday-night DJ gig at the leather–bear–no-dancing bar I worked at. But I didn’t even try to make it happen. I like money. And I loved the idea of working at a gay bar so close to Christmas.

Here’s why: Some of My Best Friends Are… Never heard of it? It’s this amazing 1971 exploitation movie about pinkie-ring gays in a bar on Christmas Eve, a situation best summed up in the words of one of the movie’s homo-hating straights: “Where else does a fag have to go?” It stars people like Rue McClanahan, Fannie Flagg, Gary Sandy, and Gil Gerard. In other words, old people you’ve never heard of. Except for Rue McClanahan. Somehow even the young gays are into The Golden Girls. Anyway, every guy in this movie has a scarf knotted around his neck and is calling another man “Mary.” Oh, and Warhol superstar Candy Darling is in it too. She gets beaten up -- the film’s idea of getting off easy. Anyway, think The Boys in the Band, but way less mouthy, more resigned, depressive, and Well, I guess I asked for loneliness when I chose this wayward lifestyle. And to think they call it ‘gay.’  Like I said, amazing.

So obviously I was really into the idea of being up in my DJ booth for an all-seeing view of what would happen in a gay bar on an actual almost Christmas Eve. There was going to be tragedy all around, dark souls brooding, each solitary invert making The Night his lover. I had to witness that. I took my bag of CDs and headed in the direction of Lonely Street.

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