How to stay young
in Hollywood? Become a lesbian.
Search the
internet for any female entertainer over the age of 40. What
you’ll find: other people talking about how old
they’re getting. By “people” I
mean everyone from financial advisers to celebrity-obsessed
journalists to losers with nothing better to do than write
hateful blogs. You’ll find a securities analyst
reporting to Warner Music Group -- in advising the
label not to re-sign her -- that Madonna is not bankable,
citing the fact that she’ll be 60 at the end of her
new Live Nation contract. You’ll find a
celebrity gossip blog saying Sharon Stone “looks
pretty good for being 120 years old.” That kind of
talk hurts, as demonstrated by Kim Cattrall crying
about ageism in her speech at the Golden Globes. Demi
Moore gets the worst of it—she only married Ashton to
make herself look younger and she looks like
crap even after all the plastic surgery. (Classic double
whammy: hate you for being old, and hate you for
trying to do something about how old you are.) No
matter how these women are dismissed and dissected, people
will always mention their age.
Now let’s
look at our out lesbians. Rosie, as we all know, was
recently called a “slob” and a
“truck driver” by a certain man with
astounding hair. Ellen broke down about a rescue dog
on her TV show, after which people coined her
“a mess.” While it seems that our lesbians in
the public eye are caught in a different double
standard (at once too masculine and not masculine
enough), people don’t really care how old they
are. Why?
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