A daily log
chronicles the sacrifices one man makes for the good of the
planet.
I read a lot of
magazines. I know that’s not very green. But I have
to know what’s going on. And I feel gross
bringing my laptop into the bathroom. I especially
read a lot of magazines about awesome (and usually
expensive) furniture. I used to love the design magazine
Nest because the people in there would do stuff like
wrap their staircases in electrical tape and then be
all proud of it. It was a magazine less about being
crazy-rich than being simply plain old crazy.
Anyway, Nest is
long gone. So now I like Domino. It seems aimed at
23-year-old women, but I like it anyway. I especially
like its feature about eco-people and their green
lives, written as a daily timetable (“11 a.m.: Jet to
Paris. To offset my carbon footprint I log on to a
website that plants trees in your name and have Oregon
personally reforested. Slide on Hermès sleep mask
and slumber righteously.”). Here’s my own
green day:
6 a.m.: Be kissed
awake by the roar of garbage trucks. They say RECYCLING
on the side, but I think they don’t mean it since it
seems they dump all the recycling bin stuff right in
with the other trash. Smell their exhaust through my
open bedroom window. We have no air-conditioning. This
already makes me way greener than almost all of you. How
will you catch up to Eco-Me?
6:20 a.m.: Stand
on my apartment balcony drinking green tea. I’d buy
the fair-trade kind, but it doesn’t taste as
good. And none of it tastes as good as grape soda. But
that’s a sacrifice I make for the planet.
7 a.m.: Wash
dishes from night before. Scrub the sink with
environmentally friendly yet useless powder that is not as
good as Comet. Feel despair over white enamel slowly
turning brown.
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White is the author of Exile in Guyville. Find him
at www.imdavewhite.com.