Calpernia Addams
strips down for our feature on the beauty and blemish of
the human body.
Calpernia Addams,
37
Nashville
Likes: eyes
Dislikes: “I’m too tall and too big”
Calpernia Addams
survived the crushing self-critiques that nearly drove
her to suicide as a young man only to be faced with the
physical scrutiny that comes with being a Hollywood TV
personality. “When I look in the mirror
I’m not happy with what I’m seeing,”
says the transgender actress. “But I’ve
come to accept and make the best of it.”
When it was
announced in 2007 that Addams would star in Logo’s
reality dating show Transamerican Love Story, she says
that blogs buzzed with mean-spirited chatter about her
transgender identity as well as her arms, lips, and
genitalia. “People are brutal,” she says.
“I just try not to take it too
personally.” Addams and her business partner Andrea
James collected the worst comments and read them in
video on her website. The hurtful things people post
“always sting,” Addams says, “but
laughing is a coping mechanism I’ve
learned.”
Addams is tough
on her looks, which she describes as
“supernatural.” “I
couldn’t get the best plastic surgery that there was
because I didn’t have a ton of money, so
I’m not thrilled with the results,” she says,
adding that she would only undergo surgery again to
“naturalize” her image. But her present
insecurities pale in comparison to the despair she
says she felt as a child who looked in the mirror and saw a
boy. “I always thought, You’re hideous,
you’re hideous.” After she transitioned
in 1993, Addams says the self-denigration toned down
significantly. And yet, “when I see myself
on-screen, all I can see are the flaws.”
As for her next
transition—into a 40-something working
actress—Addams says she’s ready.
“I think as I get older I’m going to relax a
little bit and stop worrying about being sexy and just
try to be healthy and natural,” she says.
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Profiles by Neal
Broverman, Kyle Buchanan, Japhy Grant