Telling our stories

Eileen Gearing
Age: 44
Residence: Orlando, Fla.
Occupation: Medical biller

On coming out: After years of feeling suffocated in the workplace, I decided it was time to come out and be proud of who I am. At my last job in Connecticut, my constant fear of rejection perpetuated a web of lies that were way out of control and very hard to keep track of. I promised myself when I moved to Florida the lies would end. I currently work in a very small medical office and have become close friends with two very conservative female coworkers. One of them is a preacher’s daughter who voted for George Bush based on “moral” issues, and the other one would have voted the same, had she made it to the polls that day. After two years of enduring a nagging pit in my stomach and waiting for the right moment, I finally sat them down and said, “I am gay.” The reactions from both women were all I had hoped for; acceptance, compassion, honesty, and respect were given to me that day. A 50-ton weight was lifted off my shoulders and that pit in my stomach is long gone. I came out to my boss and the rest of my coworkers a week later, and they too showered me with love and support. The truth never felt so great.

John Stormon
Age: 48
Residence: Olympia, Wash.
Occupation: Water quality technician

On coming out: I work for the state of Washington, Department of Ecology, protecting groundwater quality. Although I’ve known that I’m gay since I was in college, I haven’t shared that fact with others until now. At the age of 48 it’s time to be out and proud. I like to think of myself as an honest person; I’m tired of lying to the people I care about. I’m not sure how coming out will change my life, but I hope that it will help me to be more open and share my feelings.

Sue DeVol
Age: 34
Residence: San Diego
Occupation: Law enforcement officer

On coming out: I entered Point Loma Nazarene College, a small Christian school in San Diego, when I was 17 years old. I shared my dorm room with three other girls, and my quad consisted of 12 girls total. We had little space between us, and my girlfriend would visit a lot. After a few months I got a letter from the dean of students requiring me to meet with her. My roommates had sold me out. They didn’t even approach me with their concerns! I was blindsided. Right out of the gate, the dean asked me if I was in a homosexual relationship. I didn’t lie. “Well, Sue, you have an easy decision to make now. Either you can tell your parents or I can. And being a parent myself [how smug of her to say this], if my daughter had something like this to tell me, I’d want to hear it from her and not the school administration.” My coming out consisted of being forced to tell my parents that I had a girlfriend. I wrote them a letter because I didn’t have enough courage to tell them in person. Mom thought it was a phase, and Dad refused to talk to me. I was too young to handle this, especially without any support. I knew I wouldn’t get backing from my roommates, school administration, or anyone else. My folks still aren’t excited about my sexuality, but I know they love me and are proud of my other accomplishments.

Paola Lipovsky
Age: 36
Residence: Bethel, Conn.
Occupation: Banking associate

On coming out: I am currently in a committed 10 1/2-year relationship with my wonderful partner, Patty. I’m out to my family and friends, but not out at work. I feel like I’m leading a double life every time I go to the office. I never talk about what I did on the weekends because I am so fearful of sharing my true life. Sometimes I wish someone would ask me if I were gay, because I think I would answer truthfully; I can’t seem to say it myself. For over a decade I’ve lived this way, and I am getting really tired of being so scared and deceitful. I hope by writing this I will be free of my fears and I’ll come out completely.

Jan Underwood
Age: 51
Residence: Bakersfield, Calif.
Occupation: Associate clinical social worker

On coming out: I got married at 19 years old but soon came to the realization that I was more attracted to the lesbians at my local hot spot than to my husband. I soon divorced and made my way to the lesbian table at the bar. Unfortunately, I could not fully come out. I was so scared of what society would think of me that I fearfully followed the norm and married for the second time. My second husband and I started going to individual therapy around the tenth year of our marriage. On my first visit to the therapist’s office I announced I was “bisexual.” While in therapy, the truth kept surfacing, and I soon had to confess to my husband that I was living a lie; I was not a heterosexual woman. It was painful but absolutely necessary to give my husband—and I—the dignity we both deserved. After my divorce I fell in love for the first time. When that relationship broke up, I called my father and confessed with a torrent of tears that this “friend” was a woman. My sweet 70-year-old father was nurturing, compassionate, and emotionally understanding. He held my hand, comforted my heart, and dried my eyes even though he was 1,500 miles away.