Psych! Heidi and
the judges pull a fast one on the audience on this
week's Project Runway.
It was nice
having a week off from recapping this show. It gave me time
to forget every opinion I had about the remaining
designers—Laura, Jeffrey, Michael and
Uli—and a chance to devote myself to the new season
of Oprah. It also gave me the opportunity to
study the Fashion Week collections from the final four.
Technically we're not supposed to have seen them yet
unless we were at the shows themselves. But they were
online hours after the shows happened. Thanks,
Internet. Better yet, my good friend Dennis was at the shows
and he promised me some you-are-there bits of
commentary. When the shows air on Bravo I'll get him
to give y'all what he's got.
This week's
episode is, I'll say right now, the most excruciatingly
boring one of the season. I can see why they brought Vincent
and Angela back for a second chance, because without
them, there's no fighting or insanity. It's just a lot
of sewing and nose-to-the-grindstoning. The producers
knew what they were doing with that one. Good thing there's
only, like, two—or three, I can't
remember—episodes after this.
Jeffrey kicks off
the episode promisingly, doing his best to insult the
other three designers. Here is his complete quote:
“Each of us does something very specific and
very different. If you like peasant blouses, big and
flowy, Uli's in. If you like run-of-the-mill, friendly
fashion, then Michael's in. If you like mothballs and
chicken soup, Laura's in.” And if you want Pat
Benatar's “Love Is a Battlefield” video meets
Goth Day at Disneyland, Jeffrey's your man. He says
he's about “[living] a little
dangerously.” Then they cut to a shot of Laura's
preggers belly, just to remind you of what it
really means to live dangerously. Because
knocked-up at 42 trumps voluntary neck tattoos pretty
much every time.
Meanwhile,
Michael has suddenly gone loopy-spiritual, talking about how
“words have power, so yes, I will be at Bryant
Park.” I don't know what he means. And I don't
want to. Just make a dress, man.
The four gather
for Heidi so she can lie to them about how this challenge
will determine which three will be at Fashion Week. But I'm
spoiling it right here and telling you that no one
gets cut at the end of this episode. An hour of your
life, given to Bravo for nothing in return, not even a
“Ha-HA!” for your trouble. She tells them that
the next morning they're meeting with Nina Garcia at
Elle and she will tell them the details of the
challenge.
Then Heidi brings
out the models to continue the pointless
model-competition subplot of the show. Uli steals Nazri away
from Michael, and that's about all you need to know.
Good move, Uli. Nazri is the best model left. Michael
says, “I'm going to kill you.” But he's so
nice and lovable that that's as far as the threat goes.
It's the next
day. They're meeting with Nina at Elle's offices. She
explains the importance of “editorial”
to them. It's the difference between getting your line into
a few funky little boutiques and getting into The
Show. And it means that a designer has to juggle
personal vision, the needs of jaded magazine editors
addicted to new-new-new, and the crushing normalcy of
readers who buy clothes. That's why Undercover's Jun
Takahashi and that label's rebellious, freaked-out
battle gear gets paid rapturous lip service in the
magazines, but only in a “can you believe how crazy
this stuff is?” kind of way. Meanwhile the
major houses take all the big spreads and end up in
Barneys.
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Dave White is the author of Exile in Guyville.
Find more of him at www.imdavewhite.com. Photos courtesy BravoTV.