The End

I had the chance to go to a big homo gathering to watch the finale, but I opted for pajamas and the company of my friend Aaron, whose Assume Vivid Astro Focus wallet was the subject of so much acclaim in the early recaps of this season's episodes. His boyfriend, Gary, came over too. They have opinions about tonight's final four designers.

Aaron: “I want Jeffrey to lose and start using drugs again.”

Gary: “I hope Laura's water breaks on him.”

And by opinions about tonight's designers, I mean that they have opinions about Jeffrey. I, however, am not so unkind to my pal Jeffrey Christ, a man I've never met. I don't hate him, I don't believe he's guilty of any wrongdoing, and I think his clothes are consistently the most interesting of the bunch. Michael's nice, but nice isn't entertaining. Uli would make a good drinking buddy, but if she ever designed for me, I fear she'd make caftans. Flowy, Uli caftans. Laura's beading would scratch my delicate skin.

Speaking of Uli, you can tell she feels bad that there's conflict over Jeffrey's suspiciously finished collection. Like Michael, Uli is nice and simply vants to make clothes. Laura, however, is convinced that he's “the athlete on steroids” and something tells me that even if no cheating is uncovered, she'll still smell a rat. Or turtle poop. Something.

Jeffrey says that he's upset that Laura questioned his integrity. She claims that she has done nothing of the sort and that Jeffrey is putting words in her mouth. Maybe pregnancy messes with your brain or something (she's accusing for two, after all) but if you say, “Hey, I think that guy over there with the neck tattoo is cheating,” then you have, in fact, questioned that guy with the neck tattoo's integrity, whether you used those exact words or not.

Tim Gunn calls to tell Jeffrey that he's missing some receipts from the pleating business he used to work on the shorts we saw last week—this is all within the rules, by the way—and that Jeffrey needs to get them. Upon taking the call, Jeffrey lights up one of those wacky brown Mores, the preferred cigarette of female DMV employees with three-inch sculptured nails. Jeffrey worries that the lack of one receipt will be his ruin. Laura is shown in the foreground humming away happily.

One day before the show, and Jeffrey starts working on a replacement skirt in case the receipt for the shorts doesn't arrive. Tim Gunn arrives in the work room and asks the designers to “gather round, please.” Cut to Jeffrey in bent over–braced leg vomit position.

OK, so here's the part of the show they teased you with last week on the “coming up” commercial. And if you remember that far back, you'll see how skillfully they edited it and recontextualized dialogue to make it seem like something awful happened. In that preview clip, Tim Gunn's words are, “after a very thorough investigation, blah blah,” and then a very clipped “unfortunately.”

Well that “unfortunately” was taken from a different sentence and dropped in to throw you off, because Tim Gunn doesn't use that word here. Jeffrey is, in fact, off the hook. No wrongdoing could be found. This is when Jeffrey begins crying. Uli hugs him, and that meddling Laura can go back to minding her own beeswax. But the crying was dropped in after the “unfortunately” in the preview clip, making it look like Jeffrey was going the way of Keith Michael. It's all very sneaky, this editing. You can never trust it. But whatever. Hey Laura: ha-ha!