If gay men are,
as is increasingly revealed through research, natural
components of the human spectrum, we must have particular
gifts to offer our fellow human beings. What might
those be? Let’s start a dialogue.
What a new way of
thinking! I recently participated in a six-week
workshop called “Exploring Gay Sensibility,”
conducted by Denver therapist Alan Robarge. As
participants we were challenged to entertain the idea
that there may be something more to gayness than sexual
orientation. It was a concept that stirred the imagination.
Initially we
struggled mightily with the idea of a “gay
sensibility” that could be as significant in
our biological makeup as sexual preference. Both
within the gay subculture and in society at large, the
sexual aspect of being gay is such a preoccupation
that there seems to be little room for broader
thinking. Those of us in the workshop were initially stuck
in that mindset.
The course led me
to further investigation via the Internet, which turned
up some interesting supporting ideas. Canadian
neuroscientist Todd Murphy builds on previous research
revealing a larger anterior commissure in the brains
of gay men than in those of straight men and women. Since
this structure connects the two sides of the
amygdala—strong emotional centers in the
brain—Murphy postulates that gay men thus have a
stronger ability to recognize other people and how
they feel, and that gay men are better able to
perceive emotional meaning.
Murphy
speculates, “Gay men were probably our first
spiritual leaders.... Gay men may once have healed
their people, led them spiritually, soothed
interpersonal conflicts, and helped them anticipate and
avoid threats to survival.” He goes on,
“A 100% heterosexual population might well have
gone extinct.”
Further research
as to our biological uniqueness was summarized in the
article “Scents and Sexuality” in the July 5
issue of The Advocate. Over the years several
studies have suggested a genetic link in determining
sexual orientation. Interestingly, Lisa Kudrow states
in another article in that issue that gay television writers
she’s worked with “just have a pinpoint
awareness of emotional pain and the emotional pain
that causes humor.”
These
observations lend credence to the Native American concept of
gay men as shamans, spiritual healers of the tribe,
who are neither masculine nor feminine. Being gay
could well be considered a gift in this light. What a
different concept of gayness!
Is there really a
gift in being gay? Is there something special we have
to offer society as gay men? One could argue that the psyche
of the traditional straight male has focused on outer
action, getting things done and protecting the home.
Meanwhile, the traditional female psyche is associated
with nurturing and relationships. Both orientations are
needed for societies to flourish. Some psychologists
and spiritual teachers argue that the mature human
psyche of either gender demonstrates a creative
balance of “masculine” and
“feminine” energies in the individual.
Similarly, a gay orientation may represent a creative mix of
the two, with its own special gifts.
Certainly, all
individuals have gifts of various types and degrees to
offer. Just as traditional masculine and feminine roles call
for certain gifts, so there may be a genetic gift in
being gay. Additionally, we all have our own personal
gifts to offer, whether we’re gay, straight,
bisexual, or transgender. Society would benefit if we all
realized our gifts more fully.
Our gifts are
most likely to be developed and shared if we’re
raised in a nurturing environment. Children and adults
who are loved explicitly are more likely to embrace
their individual gifts. The alternative, all too often
the case, is a life plagued by various levels of self-doubt
and repression.
In our workshop,
we struggled to come up with something distinct in our
gayness other than sexual preference. Initially we focused
on the typical stereotypes of gay men as flower
arrangers, hairdressers, and fashion divas. As a group
we agreed that we had a heightened aesthetic sense and
sensitivity to relationships beyond the male cultural norm.
But what else was there, and how could we manifest our
gifts in positive ways if they were honored and
encouraged?
What do you
think? I invite you to participate in the dialogue. Please
e-mail me with your thoughts on “The Gift of Being
Gay” at Rick@FindingYourEdge.com.
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Evans has over 20 years of experience as a manager,
planner, trainer, and coach. He has facilitated
leadership programs and conducts cutting-edge
workshops in self-awareness and personal authenticity.
He has masters degrees in city planning and
education. He is a certified personal coach and is
also certified to teach the Enneagram system of
personalities and administer the Myers-Briggs Type
Indicator. He can be reached at rick@findingyouredge.com.