Straight-Acting

In this piece written exclusively for The Advocate, Angelo Pezzote — advice columnist and author of the new book Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love — examines the gay community's obsession with the idea of being "straight-acting" and how destructive it is for gay relationships and one's psyche.

BY Angelo Pezzote

March 18 2008 12:00 AM ET

Maybe you just
want more gay friends.

Maybe you're
single, a great catch, and have tried everything you know to
find true love -- and still nothing’s working.
Perhaps you're fed up with "the scene" and wondering
if there are still any good men out there. Maybe you
worry you'll never find Mr. Right and be alone forever.
Perhaps you're filled with envy every time you see a happy
gay couple.

Maybe you're in a
relationship and looking to feel closer to the man
you're with. Perhaps you're tired of having the same
argument. The passion in your relationship may feel
like it's long gone. At times you may even wonder if
you're with the right guy, but you don't want another
failed relationship.

Straight Acting: Gay Men, Masculinity and Finding True Love (Cover) | Advocate.com

Maybe you can't
quite put your finger on why it seems so hard to find a
meaningful relationship that lasts with another man. You
know you want deeper intimacy in your life. You're
just not sure how to get it.

At times you may
think of things as if something's missing. "How do I
make a gay relationship work?" "I'm tired of the bars,
partying, and one-night stands." "Is it all about
sex?" "I'm sick of all the attitude." "How do I meet
more guys outside of the steam room?" "I'll always be
single." "Why does it seem impossible to meet a man
for something more?" "No one wants me." "When do
things get better?" "Something’s just not
right."

Don't spend
another day racking your brain and beating yourself up. Want
to know what's getting in the way of you and your man?

It’s
called straight acting.

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