Home on the Range
BY Greg Archer
July 17 2009 12:00 AM ET
The time is now.It can go within a blink of an eye, and I don't mean to sound cliché, but it really can. America was founded on taking a lot of risks and I don't know how many of us really do that anymore. I hope people do. I hope they take that risk.
Like your new neighborsâ€¦We have some great neighbors and some whacked-out-of-their-mind neighbors. I wrote about them. They have night-vision goggles. Honest to God. They came over and brought us soup the first time and said, "We've been keeping an eye on your house." And we said, "Oh really." And they said, "Yes. We have night-vision goggles!" It scared the bejesus out of me. We had Gary's mother make us curtains. We live next to a trailer too, and one of the former residents showed us his "man burrito." He was very interested in, well...he was bi-curious.
Oh, his "real" man burrito?His real man burrito -- without any dressing. So, that's what you're kind of surrounded by and then you have these kind of Aunt Bee neighbors, who are wonderful and sincere and want nothing more than to love us and take care of us and be friends.
So, what's the best advice you received from neighbors? Gosh. "Kill the critters." We tried to relocate them and save them and that didn't work out so well. The chipmunks, squirrels -- "just go ahead, they'll come over, shoot 'em. Hit 'em with a shovel, but get rid of 'em before they cause any damage."
Ouch.Also, if you're going to live in the woods, dress appropriately. I used to dress in chokers, tank tops, and $200 jeans when I went out, and really, all you need is a $5 pair of waders.
- Arrow and The Flash Stars: It's Time for a Gay Superhero on TV
- Op-ed: 'Religious Discrimination' Laws Have Nothing to Do With Religion
- Mike Pence 'Abhors' Discrimination? His Record Shows Otherwise
- Mormon Missionary Positions
- Subaru Comes Out Against Indiana's 'License to Discriminate'
- WATCH: Seth Meyers Takes Down Indiana's New Antigay Legislation