Book Excerpt: Mind Your Manners in the Bedroom
BY Steven Petrow
June 27 2011 1:05 PM ET
With his Steven Petrow's Complete Gay & Lesbian Manners for Every Occasion
(written with Sally Chew), the author has composed an
all-encompassing guide for every occasion, filled with practical wisdom
and knowing wit. In the following excerpt, "Mister Manners" offers the
do-and-don't details of LGBT sex.
Manners most certainly play a role in successfully navigating the day-to-day details of LGBT sex. Whether you’re the host or the guest, mutual respect and civility are crucial and can take you a long way in handling such things as condom use (and breakage), strap-ons, the imminent spill from a session of oral sex between men, or simply making sure your partner is sexually satisfied.
When You Are the Host
Entertaining is entertaining no matter what room you do it in: Being prepared for sex at your own home means making your guest feel welcome and comfortable. Take the time beforehand to tidy up, put new sheets on the bed, hang clean towels in the bathroom, and, if necessary, hide any photos or mementos of anyone else you’re currently seeing.
Mood-setting gestures are good, too: Light some candles, have some fresh flowers in the house, and turn the lights down low. If you live with others, either in a college dorm or with a roommate, make sure you’ll have enough privacy — most important, a door to close behind you. Finally, be prepared with the basic necessities, which include not only condoms/dental dams, water-based lubricant, and any sex toys that may be of interest, but tea and coffee (in case there’s a morning after) as well as a spare toothbrush and razor. Said one man: “It was so thoughtful when my date handed me a toothbrush after we had been to bed.”
When You Are the Guest
Ironic as it may sound, the first rule of being a good guest in this context is knowing when to leave. No one wants to overstay his or her welcome when sex is involved, whether it’s a brief interlude, an overnight visit, or a weekend affair. Follow the lead of your host, which is to say, let her invite you to stay on — for breakfast or until the end of a fun-filled weekend. For instance, if after sex there’s no invitation to spend the night, it’s time to get dressed, say thank you, make sure (if appropriate) that you’ve exchanged numbers or e-mail addresses, and leave.
By the way, no matter how curious you may be when you’re visiting, don’t go snooping in the office, on the computer, or in the medicine cabinet. Respect your host’s privacy and if you need something (say, contact lens solution or some toothpaste), ask for it. Finally, while hosts are responsible for providing the necessities for safer sex, bring your own as well. It never hurts to have extras in this category.