Bob Smith: I Advocate Cheese, Acupuncture, and Basset Hounds 

 ...being a sperm donor for a lesbian couple. I’m a deadbeat dad who’s never changed a diaper and isn’t expected to fork over a cent for college. Yet when I visit my 5- and 2-year-old kids, they greet me as though I’m Santa Claus, which is how their lesbian moms like it. Bonus: My mother’s only grandchildren came from her gay son, and now she’s too pro-gay for PFLAG.