My Life on the G List: Party Time

The best one I’ve used was at an Outfest event where I quickly
realized this journalist was more interested in my ass than a feature
story yet I still had to tactfully escape, as he can destroy you with a
single click of the “publish to Internet” button. I told him his
magazine was the absolute favorite of my best friend, John (I forget his
last name) — which was complete bull — but John is known for always being in
the mood when free cocktails abound and the sun has gone down. I knew
John would say whatever he had to say to get laid (plenty of people in
L.A. are good at that kind of improv), so I introduced them to each other. They quickly hit it off, and I escaped like Houdini through a
smoke screen. Neither noticed. Everyone was happy. 

Diversion is an excellent tactic. In another instance, I just couldn’t give this producer any more accolades about how much I loved his projects. I actually did love his work — but hey, stoke my ego for a second too, you know? Actors are supposed to be the insecure ones. After five straight minutes of me flinging the compliment-poo like a monkey in a zoo and him just sitting there, I was exhausted. So I meticulously inched us closer and closer to someone with money and introduced them to each other. Producers prefer people with money over actors without any. Problem easily solved. I’d have run for cover, but his back was turned to me quicker than a twink’s to daddy at a circuit party.

In a perfect world, after the hangover the next day, the person you pawned off on someone else has met a new friend and ideally remembers brief but scintillating conversation with you. You find each other on Facebook, exchange pleasantries, and presto — they are now part of the most sought-after category of friends in Hollywood: contacts. Everyone wins. Party networking and the rules of conversation while partaking in it are crucial skills to making it in this town. So pour yourself a martini, put on your charming hat, work that party! Your career depends on it.