The Hardest Job in Show Business
BY Brandon Voss
November 08 2008 1:00 AM ET
“I heard this story when I was a kid that American Indians wouldn’t get photographed because they were afraid of getting their souls taken away,” says out filmmaker John Roecker, best known for his 2006 stop motion–animated indie Live Freaky! Die Freaky! “So just imagine how a porn star must feel.” With Roecker’s seven-part documentary series premiering November 5 on the here! network, we’re likely to find out. Everything You Wanted to Know About Gay Porn Stars* (*But Were Afraid to Ask) captures those often-troubled souls of gay adult cinema.
Roecker began working on the project after filming Heart Like a Hand Grenade, a behind-the-scenes look at the making of Green Day’s American Idiot. “I was always fascinated with the idea of getting naked and being intimate with someone and then sharing that with everyone,” says the 42-year-old veteran of Los Angeles’s early punk scene. “I’d had my share of rock stars, so I decided to focus on porn stars.”
Roecker contacted 15 active gay porn actors, including Brad Benton, Nick Capra, Jason Hawke, Johnny Hazzard, Nick Piston, and Jason Ridge. Armed with a video camera and an uncanny ability to put strangers at ease, he interviewed the men on topics such as their parents’ reactions to theirbeing in porn and the many stigmas attached to the profession. “They exposed and expressed themselves in such an honest way that I was humbled,” he says. “Afterward they would say, ‘God, I feel like I was just in therapy.’ And it was the same for me, because I could identify with them. These guys are younger than me, but we all have the same gay shame.”
Popular porn actor Jeremy Jordan opens up about being molested as a child. Others are forthcoming about their battles with illegal drugs -- one actor even does crystal meth on-camera during his interview. Still, Roecker isn’t afraid of spoiling any mystique for avid porn viewers. “These guys aren’t just flesh puppets. Maybe now you might even get more turned on by their videos because you’re more in tune with them as human beings -- kind of like a relationship.”