I know, I know, breaking David Letterman news and all that. And as really incredibly shocking as it is when powerful people use their muscle to get tons of sex from their own employees, I can’t see how it helps anyone to arrest the guy who tried to blackmail Dave. (The anti-Dave/pro-cash schemer threatened to write a book and screenplay about all of Letterman’s sex ways: Apparently D.L. did it on the DL with lots of ladies at the office, sort of like on Mad Men, which is a really great show you should be watching.) All that nefarious person wanted was a piece of the Hollywood lifestyle where you get your book and movie going together simultaneously, taking your brand to that next level. I know that technically it’s a crime and all, but what is the real ethical dilemma in wanting to participate in multilevel marketing of true stories about nerdy gap-tooth sex? Maybe I’ve just lived in Los Angeles for too long, but I’d totally watch that movie.

Also, it would have been a lot cooler if Letterman had just sent the gay exorcists over to visit the alleged blackmailer.

It’s been several days now so you probably know about the gay exorcists already, but just in case you don’t, there are these people who will now give you an exorcism to get the homosexuality out of you. So I guess that makes them less “gay exorcists” than exorcists who focus on specific issues of gayosity. Casting out demonic greed spirits from the guys who run Goldman Sachs just isn’t as interesting to these particular exorcisers. Anyway, they were on Tyra.

And yes, I am also aware that I’ve alluded to personal oaths made here in this column to stop covering so much crap daytime TV, to purge my TiVo to-do list of superfluous, empty-headed shit and focus solely on truly educational shows about climate change and new planets and other science facts, but I haven’t mustered up the courage for that just yet. And when something so gobsmackingly, awesomely, wrongly, stupidly incredible as the gay exorcists on Tyra comes along, I really have no choice in the matter.

No jury would convict me of caring too much.

Tags: television