3. Jersey Shore — These kids would kick the asses of those NYC Prepsters AND everyone on The Hills. Then they’d set them on fire. The Situation may be the best person on television in the history of ever. Or at least since Nene. He inspired me to adopt my own Jersey Shore-like nickname: Bacon of the Month Club.

4. Rachel Maddow calling out secretive, above-the-law, Christian power-grubbers the Family and "ex-gay" charlatans every chance she gets, especially with all their connections to this whole kill-the-gays thing going on in Uganda. And she was the only one doing it. Seriously, that woman is so calm, even-tempered, and smart it seems like a mistake that they put her television.

5. Panic Face King — This was the Japanese game show where they pranked a guy with a fake sniper attack. They must have really strict lawsuit rules over there, because if it happened on American TV there’d be a court case for months over it. I’ve enjoyed this clip on YouTube almost as many times as I’ve watched the Baskin-Robbins animated “ICE CREAM AND CAKEY-CAKE!” commercial.

6. TV programs my friends were on — Speaking of Japanese game shows, I rooted for my pal Bobaloo on every pink-spandex-bunny-suit-wearing moment of I Survived a Japanese Game Show and cheered when they eliminated him and he skipped off the set. I’m also a supporter of The Dish, (which is like The Soup, but for chicks and gays) featuring my pal Tony as the Fashion Crab, Bill Rancic’s Sperm, and the Homosexual Cat Getting a Massage. And I really like The Rotten Tomatoes Show because my husband Skypes in movie reviews to them all the time. He’s the bearded, adorable glasses-wearing one who liked Away We Go a bit too much.

7. Wendy Williams — She knows she’s being laughed at. And she’s using that to her advantage. And she has a catchphrase already, one that everyone from toddlers to entire gay men’s choruses seem to enjoy mimicking. Once you have a catchphrase you can merch the shit out of it. Where’s my commemorative “How you doin’?” Flesh-Light?

Tags: television