#27BiStories: Tell Us Something We Don't Know

We asked 27 bisexuals to tell us something about their relationship and sexuality that they'd like the general public to understand.



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What is something you want the general public to know about your relationship and about your sexuality?

Christina, 41, California: From a young age I knew that I was attracted to people, not gender. I was not confused about myself, but [about] how people reacted to those that are different. I was so happy to find a person that I love so deeply that accepts me and loves me as I am. I want children today and in the future to grow up feeling secure in who they are and able to know that they can love and be with the one for them without hate and fear getting in the way. I have eight amazing and beautiful children — and I am teaching them love.

Melody, 32, Texas: It is mostly just important to me that I am not pegged into the category for the sake of someone else's comfort level. It's important to me that people are either comfortable with me being bisexual or that they just have to live with their own discomfort, I guess. I am not asking people to sit around and wonder about what my partner and I do in the bedroom, but I would love the general public to know that a white woman and a white man with three kids just doesn't equal a heterosexual situation necessarily. What we are is an example of bisexuals in a family situation. We are part of the LGBT+ family, even if we don't look like it at first glance.

Gabriel, 34, Illinois: The public doesn't need to know any more about my relationship than I need to know about any of theirs. We're happy, compatible, and in love.  

As for understanding bisexuality, which I think is the more important message to get out, I've been thinking about it like this lately: What's the opposite feeling of love and attraction one might feel towards another individual? Hate? Anger? Disgust? An urge to be violent? I don' t think people put a gender to those feelings when they're hurt or offended by someone. Straight people don't have a platonic level of hate reserved only for the same sex, and physical or romantic version of hate for the opposite. It's just a negative feeling, with all the terrible and destructive desires that go along with those toxic emotions, regardless of the sex or gender of the individual causing us harm. We may apply a gendered filter to them after we experience them — we say it's morally wrong for a man to hit a woman (I'd argue it's wrong for anyone to hit anyone), but that's a moral decision made by society. Not a primal human thing. And it happens, so I don't think we can deny it. 

Anyway, for many bi people, we could say it's the same for love. The filter of platonic love versus physical and emotional love isn't gendered. We are attracted to the good and beauty in people and can feel that way about anyone along the gender spectrum and not limited like monosexuals to "same as" or "different than" when it comes to "equipment."

Colleen, 58, Canada: I would want the public to know that bisexuals are not "bi" definition promiscuous, even when in multiple relationships, and also not "bi" definition politically fickle. We are not fence-sitters, confused, or liars.  

Zefi, 23, Greece: I think first and foremost that the public should understand that "seeing is not believing." I may look gay or straight, but do not assume I am either. I can understand how it is convenient to think about the world in such dual categories (I often do it myself), but I would like to feel that people think before they label me — that at least they think of the possibility that I might be something other than gay or straight.