#27BiStories: Tell Us Something We Don't Know

We asked 27 bisexuals to tell us something about their relationship and sexuality that they'd like the general public to understand.



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What is something you want the general public to know about your relationship and about your sexuality?

Lucy, 46, Georgia: The full spectrum of human sexuality and relationships is amazingly beautiful. I celebrate my fluidity and wish that the general public could see the beauty in all our diversity.

A.J. , 29, Arizona: When someone who identifies as bisexual chooses a single partner of a single gender identity to settle down with, it does not mean they are no longer bisexual. If a heterosexual marries, does that mean they are no longer capable of attraction to people that are not their partner? No, just as it is with many bisexuals. Bisexuality does not equate to polyamory or an inability to be monogamous necessarily — the propensity to have multiple partners at the same time or to cheat are not synonymous with a specific sexuality. To be sure, such propensities are seen in homosexual and heterosexual couples as well. On an individual level, I think the general public will see that the myths and misconceptions that continue to plague bisexuals are just that — misconceptions.

Bill, 45, New York: I'm not saying it is easy to be a bi man married to a straight woman. But every relationship has its challenges. Bisexuals are a fabulously eclectic group, so we all have different issues. One of my challenges is finding ways to channel the tremendous sexual energy I have with men in the absence of an open relationship, which I'm not sure would be the best thing for us anyway. I have at times, been less than honest about the channeling, and at other times, I have been too honest — and yes, there is such a thing as being too honest. What makes it work for us is that we are honest about who we are fundamentally and what we need and expect from one another. I think the fact that we both feel we are the right person for one another keeps us in a good space.

In the end, I think one of the reasons we are still together and happy today is that I came out. I wasn't sure if she would want to stay with me when I did, but I trusted my gut that told me we would figure out a way to make things work. I'm very big-picture, so I tend to look past the obstacles to the ultimate goal, which for me was staying with the woman that I love. I'm not sure if she wouldn't have been happier not knowing all of this, but I would never have been happy pretending to be something I am not.

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Laura, 48, Netherlands: I’ve heard ridiculous prejudices. And none of them uphold scrutiny. I would like all those lesbians saying that they don’t want to date bisexuals for whatever reason to think about the why they won’t. That’s on them. They are excluding a group of women on the basis of a series of prejudices, therefore they are doing to us bi’s what a lot of straights are doing to them: discriminating.

Sarah, 57, Oregon: That my relationship has no label. Not everything is about sex. And that does not change how I identify. And just because the one I care about is lesbian, that does not make me one. I am monogamous by nature, but I will always think Audrey Hepburn and Richard Chamberlain are the cat's meow. I identify with the bisexual community and want the world to know that. I fought hard to learn and understand it and want to be out and proud to help show the world we are not our stereotypes. And make it easier for others to accept themselves and know they are not alone.

Levi, 23, Washington, D.C.: That it's real! We're not making this up. It's not a phase. We both care for each other very much, just like any other couple.