The Rivers (Still) Wild
BY Greg Archer
August 25 2008 12:00 AM ET
Have to ask -- any thoughts on gay marriage? You idiots! [Laughs] Alimony! Go back! I am pleading with you! You are no longer off the hook. You can’t walk away. But if it makes you happy…I just came from friends of mine -- they were the first couple to get married in England in their community, and I endorse it. They have been together more than 20 years. If you are happy, go for it. But watch out about changing your mind, because now the house belongs to everybody.
Have you seen some of the political news in the last few weeks? Paris Hilton and all? Who would you love to have as a roommate more -- Barack Obama or Paris Hilton? The truth? Paris Hilton.
Why? Why? Because I know what I am getting. I don’t know what I am getting with Barack.
Any thoughts on the current state of politics?I think it’s disgusting. They’re not leaders. I think this country is in real trouble. Who you are going to vote for? You’re going to vote for Obama, right? I know I should, but I don’t trust him. And McCain -- there’s nothing to discuss. He ain’t my boy.
What are you going to do? I will probably do a write-in.
For who?I don't know. I hated Hillary, and now I am so sorry she is not running. Barack is not heavy enough. And I am sitting here in Scotland, which is a very different community, and we are in trouble. Nobody likes us. You can't have a lightweight out there to say, "Oh, let’s do change." You need a big politician, and we don't have one. [Sighs] How about Bea Arthur?
You know, she might be up for it. She may.
But you might be up for it too. What would you do if you were president? Oh, I would make everybody look better. If we had plastic surgery there would be no war. You're not going to go to war once you had a nose job. Please! It’s like, "I worked to get these pecs, and now I am being shot at? Let’s talk!"
What’s making you laugh most these days? God knows. But comedy is in such a great place now. You can talk about things that you couldn't talk about even a year ago. Everything is making me laugh these days. Even the Chinese. The Olympics are making me laugh. The people that are running for president -- they're making me laugh.