Every week, The Advocate's Jami Smith brings you the top 10 tweets from LGBT comedians — and our favorite gay jokes from straight comedians, or just whatever made us laugh. For previous editions of this series, check out the Comedy section. Or follow @gaysayer on Twitter now if you want daily updates.
And now a post from your host:
Mom sent me Drakkar Noir deodorant for Christmas. I guess she thinks date rape is her only shot at grandchildren.
— Jami Smith (@jamismithcomic) December 17, 2011
The third Wise Man was, not that bright,but "The Two Wise Men and One Who Learns At His Own Pace" didn't sound right.— Paula Poundstone (@paulapoundstone) December 23, 2011
I don't know what to give my nieces and nephews since they're in jr high. Think it'll be the usual: gift certificates to the Pleasure Chest.— One Mean Queen (@onemeanqueen) December 18, 2011
How many mall Santas are bears? Like 90%, right?— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 18, 2011
Making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who I'm unfriending from high school.— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) December 23, 2011
I feel like the Miracle on 34th Street proves if you're a bum with Alzheimer's in NYC with a Santa suit you can fucking do anything.— Peter Depp (@peterdepp) December 22, 2011
It never feels like Christmas until I see two white people fighting over the last loaf of gluten-free ginger cookies at Trader Joe's.— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) December 21, 2011
Out of all of Santa's reindeer, the one that sounds most like a street name for crystal meth is all of them.— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 21, 2011
Nothing says "I don't know anything about your life anymore" like sending a family member a Hickory Farms Gift Basket for Christmas.— Scott Luhrs (@luhrsman) December 21, 2011
Make sure your bathroom is comfortable, you never know how long you and your fake diarrhea might have to live in there. #Christmas— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 23, 2011
Number 1, Best Holiday Tweet Ever:
For Xmas, Im just getting my family coupons that say, "Good For One Free Political Discussion Where I Pretend To Genuinely Understand You".— Chris Kelly (@imchriskelly) December 18, 2011