Pam Ann: Dangerous at Any Altitude

The lines at the airports are ever bigger, but on her new tour, 'Cockpit,' which launches tonight in Palm Springs, so is air hostess Pam Ann’s hair.

BY Matthew Breen

May 10 2013 1:47 PM ET

The new United States tour, Pam Ann: Cockpit, takes her to points across the country until June 16, but don’t expect to see her out and about much, but it’s all in service of a good performance, specific to that city.

“I get nervous before every single show. I’m a mess. People are like, ‘Come out to lunch,’ and I have to tell them I can’t. I lock myself away. It’s a process. I like to focus on each show. When people say you should live in the moment, the closest thing I’ve got is being on stage.”

The show is camp, ridiculous, and raunchy, and audiences generally delight in it. But occasionally Pam’s frank talk rubs an audience member the wrong way. At a show a few years ago in New York, Pam didn’t like the displeased look on the face of a front-row sitter — “Katie, from HBO. I told her ‘Katie’ was short for ‘cunt,’” Reid says. Katie walked out, and the audience — mostly urbanite gay men — roared with approval.

“New Yorkers were so thrilled that someone walked out!” she says. If you’re cute, she might pull you from “economy,” the seats at the rear of the venue, and give you a seat up front, displacing a “first class” patron. Be prepared to follow all your flight attendant’s instructions. “Some queens, they don’t want to move. Too bad.”

“Someone tried to sue me for throwing glitter at them,” she says about another show. “I think she was more pissed off at me saying, ‘When your boyfriend fucks you tonight, he’s going to think of me.’ I kind of like the idea of going to court for glitter bombing. It’s ridiculous what this world’s come to. It makes me want to set myself on fire, these people who ruin the party.” She continues, “And I don’t want to fuck your boyfriend anyway. I’d rather fuck the gay guys next to you, the power top bears.” She sighs. “I hate straight people.”

“My world is 99% gay,” she says. “Two bears propositioned me on an Atlantis cruise, but I couldn’t take them up on it. I wasn’t high enough. If I were gay I’d be a power bottom, big old fat bear and have all the money to entice all the hot cubs, and I’d sit in my cave.”

Reid describes herself as single and straight, but she’s hardly narrow. And not just for the fascination with bears: “I did have a girlfriend many years ago. We had some really nice times. I have a thing for diesel dykes, big truck-driving, punk rock lesbians.”

“I had an affair with a high-profile lesbian for several years. It started in 2002. She is amazing, not only as a lover, but as an incredible artist. There was such a strong connection, like with these women I’ve been with. I’ve honestly not found a connection that strong with a man. My father tried to get me to come out. I think [my parents] have been trying for years. My mother is dying to get up on that parade float, for parents and supporters of gays and lesbians. Sexually, I really like cock, but maybe later in life I’ll just retire to lesbianism.” (“I’ve never told anyone this stuff before,” she added.)

Straight suitors in her life have a lot to contend with. “My world is 99% gay,” she says. “If they can’t cope with it—” 

Verbal abuse and tickets for Pam Ann: Cockpit are available now at ReactionShows.com.  

Tags: Comedy

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