Dad struggled with his identity after World War II. Some dame had taken his job. Women were getting real jobs in offices, not just secretaries. Dad had to stake his claim in the new suburban dreamscape. Dad chose meat.
Gramps used to get almost maniacal about those shish kebabs. Mushroom, meat, tomato, mushroom, meat, tomato. We used to yell "Easy does it on the java, Dad! You look like you're all hepped up on bennies!"
We thought the stomach pump on Dad's apron was really funny — until that time at Camp Upchucka. Apparently Dad's meat was tainted.
Brian unfortunately burned the premium patties while comparing depth and length of pants pleats with Neil. Brian had deeper, longer pleats. Neil was nonplussed.
Really, Dad? Onions? It looks like that thing Uncle Derek gave you last Christmas. Yeah. That thing Mom doesn't know about.
Tim almost lost control of the beverages when he saw Diane's dad on the dock. "Like a bronzed god, with oars for wings," Tim mused to himself. Tim's fervid glances at Diane's father did not go unnoticed by Stanley, as he watched from the picnic blanket.
"No, Earl. Strictly men only on this trip. Wear something festive and bring the cherries to put in the pineapple rings. Do you think you can handle that, Earl?"
Apparently William Bendix went gaga at the sight of a plump, juicy hot dog.
It wasn't me! Ida? Did you
invite the polygamists?
"Yeah, that's it. Get closer in. C'mon, guy, get your skewer in there. Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Man, that's hot. C'mon, buddy, room for one more."
Caucasian cooking rituals.
"Yes, Lillian. Apparently he's joined some 'back to nature' group. Loin cloths, drums, smoky tents. Vodka. Then he set up a goddamn barbecue on the living room floor. I will say this. The sex has been much better."
Wow, Uncle Jimmy. I can actually feel it cooking my face!
"Gay? Leonard and me gay
? You'd think that in 1962 two men could create a lovely home together, share blazers, and make charming dinner parties for their friends without being called 'gay.' We're not gay
— we're ecstatic!"
"Oh. you should come. I will be debuting my new raspberry raw silk sports shirt — by Don Loper!"
Charles and little Chipper were proud as punch to wear the matching apron set they got for Christmas last year.
"Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's so small compared to my huge white bun! I guess I'll need three!"
"The world of the heterosexual is a sick and boring life." — Aunt Ida, John Waters's Female Trouble
"How-to-talk-knowingly with the meatman."
Delores and Ralph were thrilled. Tofurkey© makes bacon.