Op-ed: The 6 Gay Men You Never Want to Meet

Dating can be less like a jungle, and more like a house of horrors.

BY Tyler Curry

July 26 2013 5:14 AM ET

For today’s gay guy, the social scene can more closely resemble a modern house of horrors. No matter who you are, every gay man has a few traits that are truly cringe-worthy. But there are some mutations among us that belong under the glare of a microscope instead of sitting across from the dinner table.

These bizarre distortions of gay men walk among us in plain sight, masking their deformities behind their coiffed hair and moisturized faces. But don’t be fooled, these dastardly characters should be kept far from your phonebook contacts and even further from your cocktail parties.

So step right up and marvel at the six gay men that you never want to meet, but make sure you stay behind the glass partition.

Dr. Sober, Mr. Sloppy
This villain is practically impossible to spot during business hours. By day, Dr. Sober is the perfect example of what the modern gay man should be. He has a great dog, an incredible apartment and is quite possibly the best lunch date you could ever ask for. But when he starts to round the corner of that third double cocktail during happy hour, Dr. Sober checks out for the night. Instead, you are left trying to wrangle the erratic, obnoxious and nonsensical behavior of Mr. Sloppy. Without even knowing it, you have found yourself in the eye of a vodka tornado complete with tears, come-ons and racial slurs. The check can never come fast enough.

Tags: Tyler Curry

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