Health Promo 03 (Getty) | Advocate.com
||  Commentary  ||
Comments (0)Post a CommentShare this page  Page: 1 | 2
 

Understanding Haggard's fall from grace

It's easy to delight in disgraced evangelical leader Ted Haggard’s very public humiliation. Perhaps he deserves that and more. But to stay in harsh judgment would do a great disservice to ourselves and to our hard-won self-respect.
An Advocate.com exclusive posted November 8, 2006
Understanding Haggard's fall from grace

I once went out with a guy who called his penis “Jackson.” Out of nowhere, he’d say, “Jackson likes this,” or “Jackson likes that,” as if the appendage were actually a separate entity. It didn’t take long for Jackson, his handler, and me to part company, and not just because I wasn’t interested in three-ways. Jackson was the only part of him that wasn’t ashamed to be gay.

I thought of Jackson when evangelical leader Ted Haggard and his three-year relationship with a gay hooker made the headlines. Until he was dismissed in disgrace by his church on November 4, Haggard danced around the fundamental questions of just who he is and what he has done like a champ, dodging and weaving to keep from acknowledging a truth he could no longer avoid.

Haggard and Jackson’s handler had one thing in common—they came from evangelical churches where there was no tolerance for gay sex. Taught that homosexuality is shameful and evil, they did their best to keep a tight lid on impulses that percolated just under the surface. As a coping mechanism, Jackson’s handler could block out that he’d just had sex seconds after the act was done; listening to Haggard’s emphatic denials, I wouldn’t be surprised if pastor Ted did exactly the same thing.

No one may know what actually happened during his trysts with escort Mike Jones, but it was telling to hear Haggard acknowledge what he perceived as smaller sins, buying meth and paying for massages, and studiously denying the big question about a sexual relationship. His was the posture of an addict in denial.

I’ve known too many evangelical men who learn to survive the same way. They live a terrible contradiction with no easy way out. They love God and want to serve him. But they are taught that God hates homosexuality. In such a construct they have no choice. To serve God they must suppress that part of their identity, locking it away in a Pandora’s box.

At some point many of them self-destruct, unable to maintain a life of deception and self-denial. They take greater and greater risks, unconsciously longing for exposure so they can be released from a prison of their own making. The opening prayer to Haggard’s last sermon before the scandal broke says it all: “Father, we pray lies would be exposed and deception exposed.”

The exposure he prayed for came within the week; it took him down, along with his shell-shocked wife and children. The children are the innocent victims of their father’s deceit; in one video clip, you can see the terror in their eyes when dozens of reporters’ microphones were thrust through the windows of the family minivan. Theirs will be a long, hard road.

I feel for them, for Mrs. Haggard, and even for pastor Ted. While there’s no excuse for his endorsement of antigay amendments and condemnation of homosexual behavior from the pulpit, imagine how he must feel knowing what his deception has done to his family.

Page: 1 | 2
Sonego is a writer, AIDS activist, and former staff member for the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. He is currently raising four children with his partner, Michael, in Los Angeles.

Reader Comments

These comments are reproduced as written by visitors to this Web site. They have not been edited for content, grammar, or spelling. The viewpoints appearing here are those of the writer, and do not necessarily reflect the opinion or views of advocate.com, The Advocate, or its affiliates.

Be the first to comment on this story.

Back to top

Submit a comment for this story:

*Type your comment here (Required, 1000 characters max.):

*Name (Required): 

*Hometown (Required): 

*E-mail address: (Required, but will not be displayed)

Is this comment for publication? 
Yes   No

Daytime phone number: (Required for print publication only and will not be displayed)

Please enter the words you see in the box, in order and separated by a space. Doing so helps prevent automated programs from abusing this service.

  

If you would like to submit a comment for posting, please fill out the form above. 

All comments submitted via this form are subject to posting or publication. (To send a private letter to an Advocate editor or writer, please use the e-mail button at the top of the page, or use snail mail.) If you would like your comment considered for publication in The Advocate magazine, please include your full name, your city of residence, and a phone number where you can be reached during business hours so that we can confirm your identity. Your e-mail address and telephone number are strictly confidential and will not be shared or used for any purpose other than to contact you about your comment.

See the Contact page for sending comments for reasons other than responding to Advocate editorial and news stories.

Please note that comments sent by fax or snail mail are unlikely to be posted, although they will be considered for publication along with all letters received via e-mail or via this Web page. Comments that chiefly concern Advocate.com content will be considered for posting only on the Web site. The Advocate reserves the right to edit submitted comments for grammar, spelling, obscenities, or libel; we will, however, do our best to preserve the original comment's style and intent. Comments considered for publication in The Advocate magazine may also be edited for length.

More Exclusives
  • Austerity Chic
    How novelist and performance artist Mike Albo gets by in lean times.
  • Hoping to "Wu" Michelle
    Dressing Michelle Obama in November was a game changer for designer Jason Wu. Now he has his sights set on the future first lady’s most high-profile event: Inauguration Day.
  • A Desert Journey
    The Mii Amo spa in Sedona, Ariz., is famous for packages designed to lead people through a spiritual as well as physical transformation. One writer relinquishes herself to the journey and recounts her days in one of the world's most beautiful destination resorts.
  • Great American Couple
    In an exclusive excerpt from his new book, Hollywood Bohemians: Transgressive Sexuality and the Selling of the Movieland Dream, Brett L. Abrams explores the relationship between Cary Grant and Randolph Scott, who led homosexual lives right under everyone's nose.
  • Mormons Gone Wild
    After one man undresses missionaries for his calendar, LDS Church–owned Brigham Young University strips him of his degree.
  • Constructive Impatience
    Stung by the Warren decision, GLAAD's former executive director Joan Garry offers the Obama transition team some sage advice.
  • Boxer Goes Trans for Eli Stone
    Often perceived as male by confused casting agents, boxer-body builder turned actor Dallas Malloy felt a deep connection to the trans minister she plays on Eli Stone.
  • Mamma Mia! Rises Again
    Meryl Streep and company managed to top Harry Potter and Titanic at the U.K. box office, and now Mamma Mia! is poised to break similar records on DVD. Director Phyllida Lloyd talked to Advocate.com about bringing one of the biggest musicals of all time to the big screen.
  • The Other White Meat
    As one of the subjects of the documentary about the drag pageant circuit, Pageant, opening in select theaters, and one of the contestants on RuPaul's Drag Race, premiering next month on Logo, Victoria "Porkchop" Parker may not look or act like your typical female impersonator, but make no mistake, she is one of the best.
  • The Religious Defense
    In an excerpt from her new book, Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians, author Candace Chellew-Hodge incorporates the wisdom of Xena: Warrior Princess to illustrate her theories as to how gay and lesbian people of faith can protect themselves from those who attack their views.
  • Photo Finish
    Did Prop. 8 backlash cause art censorship -- or its reversal -- at Brigham Young University? Could be, as BYU photography student J. Michael Wiltbank found when his contribution to a two-week-long art exhibition -- eight pairs of benign portraits, each depicting an LGBT-identified BYU student alongside a supportive friend -- had been removed.
  • The Divine Miss M.
    Since the death of performer Wayland Flowers in 1988, his over-the-top puppet creation Madame has been seen only sporadically. But with the launch of her new casino tour, Madame is back.
  • Whither NLGJA?
    The leading professional organization for LGBT journalists is facing a crisis that threatens its very survival. In a changing media landscape and a tough economy, how does a small nonprofit live up to its mission and retain members?
  • The Road to Equality
    Barbara Boxer, the U.S. senator from California, understands why her gay constituents are furious over Rick Warren's role in the inauguration -- it feels like Proposition 8 redux.
  • A Call to Action for Barack Obama
    In the wake of the decision by President-elect Barack Obama to select Reverend Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration, Equality California executive director Geoff Kors calls on Obama to live up to his promise of "One America" and prove he is the ardent supporter of LGBT equality he claims to be.
  • Gays Shut Out of Cabinet
    As if the news of antigay pastor Rick Warren's invitation to deliver Obama's inaugural invocation weren't insulting enough to LGBT Americans, we're now hit with the reality that no openly gay people will be seated at the cabinet table to weigh in on the next antigay flap.
  • Wading Your Way Through Hollywood
    Reichen Lehmkuhl switches hats for his second column and leaves the activist at the door as he offers some sage advice for Hollywood hopefuls. Whether you're gay or straight, what Reichen has to say about "talent" puts the business that is entertainment into perspective.
  • The Better Angels?
    President-elect Barack Obama's choice of Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration puts LGBT Americans on notice: While the next four years hold unprecedented promise for our rights, we may sometimes feel forsaken.
  • Stage Doubt, Screen Doubt
    On Broadway, Doubt -- the story of a steely nun facing off against a heroic priest, whom she fixates on for giving special attention to the school’s only black (effeminate) kid -- worked because of a top notch cast and its unique brand of stylized narrative. If only the excellent Meryl Streep and Viola Davis were enough to make the movie work quite so well.