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A Post-Election Letter to Friends and Family

As liberal America cheered the election of Barack Obama, the country's first African-American president, California's LGBT community wasn't able to join in the celebration. The passing of Prop. 8, eliminating same-sex marriage in the state, left the community defeated. These are the words our friends and family members need to read.
An Advocate.com exclusive posted November 6, 2008
A Post-Election Letter to Friends and Family

Dear family and friends:

I hope you will read what I've written. It is my somewhat raw reaction to the passing of Proposition 8 in California and the exciting night after. It would mean a lot to me if you would.

This has been a painful time for me, and I wanted to let you know how I felt as a gay Californian to be discriminated against and have my status as a full citizen diminished by the majority. Proposition 8 will rewrite the California constitution to enshrine bigotry against same-sex couples.

I celebrated when the California supreme court found that our constitution protects all Californians equally and provides all of us the right to marry. I was unhappy -- but not very fearful -- when Prop. 8 made it to the ballot. I was sure that society had changed enough to ensure its defeat. An African-American was looking like he might be our next president.

I donated to the No on Prop. 8 campaign -- as did my brother, who has supported me so much, both personally and politically. When the campaign began to struggle due to lies -- debunked by the Los Angeles Times and other newspapers -- I decided I had to get more involved. I helped edit a letter written by our gay Armenian group, a letter which was published in the Armenian Reporter.

And I volunteered. After I cast my ballot on Election Day, I stood for three hours 100 feet outside a Los Feliz voting station speaking to voters on their way in and handing out fliers. Of the 60 or so I reached, all but two were extremely supportive. I felt great and, buoyed by the polls that showed Prop. 8 would be defeated, I joined friends and other volunteers at the No on 8 party that night at the Music Box Theater in Hollywood.

The mood was jubilant at first, especially when California polls closed and Barack Obama was declared the winner. Along with over a thousand people, I watched the president-elect's speech. The mess Bush has made of our country over the last eight years suddenly seemed reversible. And it might not take decades, as I'd feared. Obama might be able to turn the country around in one or two terms, I thought. His speech was that inspiring.

But the night quickly turned sour. After the speech, my friends began receiving text messages telling us that our side was losing by five to seven points.

I knew I hadn't done enough. I could have worked so much harder on the campaign. I could have spoken to all of you. But I didn't.

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Keywords:  2008 Election  Barack Obama  Prop 8 
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Reader Comments

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  • Name: pablo das
    Date posted: 2008-11-10 5:36 PM
    Hometown: san diego

    Comment:

    I wrote this same email to my friends and family!..and I live in new york! With the same conclusion. This isn't about the the piece of paper for me. It's about how hurtful the discourse is to OUR children. You brought tears to my eyes! thanks Pablo


  • Name: Az
    Date posted: 2008-11-08 3:54 PM
    Hometown: GCP

    Comment:

    I usually don't post comments but I had to for this because its beautiful and so honest.


  • Name: Khadijah
    Date posted: 2008-11-08 10:09 AM
    Hometown: Va Beach

    Comment:

    I really liked your letter. I'm not a Californian but as a lesbian I've been closely following the prop 8 battle going on there. I'm African American and also thought that since this country elected its first African American president prop 8 would not pass. I also was constantly looking for info on if it had passed or not. I was very sad to see that it indeed passed. I started to think that perhaps I should've gotten more involved. Made a donation instead of just talking to people about it. I didn't come up with many satisfactory answers. What I did come up with is that the battle for equal rights is not over. I still have a chance to make a difference. I live in Virginia and to say the least we have plenty of room for improvement here. I know its an uphill battle and its not going to be easy. But getting equal rights never has been.


  • Name: http://gaygirl2000.blogspot.com/
    Date posted: 2008-11-08 4:59 AM
    Hometown: Europa

    Comment:

    I don't even live in California, but where I do live we "only" have domestic partnership, so I understand the significance and possible repercussions of this result. I guess that's why I've been going through the same thing. I sat at work and constantly hit the refresh button hoping and wishing that the result would suddenly start going in the opposite direction... But it never happened. Meanwhile everyone around me was SO excited about Obama winning, but I simply felt robbed of the "amazing and historic progress" that everyone was so thrilled about. Probably because I know that I would've been married if I lived in CA, and right now I wouldn't know if that marriage is valid anymore. However, when I saw pictures and footage from the rally-turned-march, I realized that this is far from over. But I'm still heartbroken by the result. - GG


  • Name: Kate
    Date posted: 2008-11-06 10:30 PM
    Hometown: New Bern NC

    Comment:

    Thank you for your story. People all across the country, not just in California, shared your sorrow and outrage about the passage of prop 8. Thank you for allowing us to vicariously join in the protests and your reaction to being part of them. And please remember, while this is a major setback it by no means a final defeat. The battle is lost for now but the war is far from over. It many not be much comfort now, but based on what we hear from our youngest citizens, I am convinced that within a few decades, this whole business will seem as ridiculous as separate drinking fountains for non-whites.


  • Name: Kate
    Date posted: 2008-11-06 9:55 PM
    Hometown: New Bern NC

    Comment:

    Thank you for your story. People all across the country, not just in California, shared your sorrow and outrage about the passage of prop 8. Thank you for allowing us to vicariously join in the protests and your reaction to being part of them. And please remember, while this is a major setback it by no means a final defeat. The battle is lost for now but the war is far from over. It many not be much comfort now, but based on what we hear from our youngest citizens, I am convinced that within a few decades, this whole business will seem as ridiculous as separate drinking fountains for non-whites.


  • Name: Danny Pitre
    Date posted: 2008-11-06 9:50 PM
    Hometown: Rancho Santa Margarita

    Comment:

    Personally, successes of the anti-gay ballots across the nation have not overshadowed the monumental advancement of equality realized by the election of Obama. But I understand wholeheartedly why it has for so many of my brothers and sisters. And like you I felt so inspired at the rally on Wed. and the energy throughout the crowd replaced my feelings of invalidity with those of acceptance and love. Along with the recent political events, your words have reignited the fire I felt when I first joined efforts with the Equality for All campaign to fight this initiative and to continue educating both the public and those near and dear to my heart. Thank you for that.


  • Name: Danny Pitre
    Date posted: 2008-11-06 9:48 PM
    Hometown: Rancho Santa Margarita

    Comment:

    Thank you for sharing these personal thoughts with all of us. I am also disappointed by the results of Prop 8, but I find some gratitude in that this is a solid historic record of the position held by a large number of Californians. There will be no denying the fear instilled bigotry and prejudice held by a large portion our state's population. I am eager to see how the new President's message of change and equality for all people of this nation will influence not just legislation in each state of our Union, but also the perspective and opinion of its people. I know in my heart this amendment is not permanent, and I will continue to fight the good fight…. (continued on next comment)


  • Name: Tri
    Date posted: 2008-11-06 8:16 PM
    Hometown: Orange county,CA

    Comment:

    Back in May, in my history class, we discussed about civil right movement and couple of days after that lecture, I received the delightful news that gay marriage was then legal. I strongly thought, believed, hoped that was really a civil right major history for LGBT community. During the election night, like the author, I was elated by the new president elect but then extremely disappointed and sad when raw vote numbers of prop 8 appeared! Dolefully, our marriage right is taken away; bigotry, explicit discrimination still prevail! As a individual of the next, coming generation, one of minority group, a member of LGBT community, I am denied a fundamental right and "guaranteed" a long-term discrimination! No doubt, I feel melancholy about that. However, brighly and realistically, I adamantly know and believe that people of my generation are coming differently and with our LGBT indomitable spirit and ceaseless fight, we will win and achieve substantially!


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