Why Gay Men Have Trouble With Sobriety

The reason many gay men struggle with sobriety is due to sex addiction, writes filmmaker Duncan Roy in an op-ed for website The Fix.

"I am not suggesting that all gay men who claim that they are alcoholic are in fact sex addicts but most gay men who can't stay sober cite sex as the primary reason for relapse," writes Roy, a filmmaker whose movies include AKA and The Picture of Dorian Gray, but who's perhaps best-known for his 2009 appearance on Sex Rehab With Dr. Drew.

Roy takes issue with the idea of celebrating monthly sober "birthdays," as well as sober circuit parties. The filmmaker recalls that when he decided to attend the annual Palm Springs event Hot 'n Dry, he was assured it would be “a sex fest from the moment you arrive at the Ace Hotel” by the person who sold him the ticket.

"The absurd idea that we can behave like we have always behaved as long as we have a deluded and lackluster understanding of the 12 steps just doesn't work," Roy says, admitting he took a lengthy sabbatical from AA meetings while living in Los Angeles, but now in New York, he's ready to return.

"Walking back into AA in New York was a relief, a joy—just like it used to be," he writes. "I want to be sober. The only problem getting in the way of that is me. But I know that if I’m going to be able to do it, I'll have to learn how to say no to sex. As a single gay man, the consequences are dire if I don't."

Read the entire essay here. For more about Roy, read his blog.