Calpernia Addams,
37
Nashville
Likes: eyes
Dislikes: “I’m too tall and too big”
Calpernia Addams survived the crushing self-critiques that nearly drove her to suicide as a young man only to be faced with the physical scrutiny that comes with being a Hollywood TV personality. “When I look in the mirror I’m not happy with what I’m seeing,” says the transgender actress. “But I’ve come to accept and make the best of it.”
When it was announced in 2007 that Addams would star in Logo’s reality dating show Transamerican Love Story, she says that blogs buzzed with mean-spirited chatter about her transgender identity as well as her arms, lips, and genitalia. “People are brutal,” she says. “I just try not to take it too personally.” Addams and her business partner Andrea James collected the worst comments and read them in video on her website. The hurtful things people post “always sting,” Addams says, “but laughing is a coping mechanism I’ve learned.”
Addams is tough on her looks, which she describes as “supernatural.” “I couldn’t get the best plastic surgery that there was because I didn’t have a ton of money, so I’m not thrilled with the results,” she says, adding that she would only undergo surgery again to “naturalize” her image. But her present insecurities pale in comparison to the despair she says she felt as a child who looked in the mirror and saw a boy. “I always thought, You’re hideous, you’re hideous.” After she transitioned in 1993, Addams says the self-denigration toned down significantly. And yet, “when I see myself on-screen, all I can see are the flaws.”
As for her next transition—into a 40-something working actress—Addams says she’s ready. “I think as I get older I’m going to relax a little bit and stop worrying about being sexy and just try to be healthy and natural,” she says.
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