Why Return to the Military After Being Thrown Out?

The end of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy brings liberation for many gay and lesbian soldiers who finally feel comfortable enough to come out to colleagues and country. Their choice to be open on the job is not the only time-sensitive decision following repeal, however, as thousands of service members discharged under two decades of the discriminatory policy consider whether and why to reenlist.

"Now is the time to make that decision, especially for those who have been kicked out," said Danny Hernandez, a former lance corporal in the Marine Corps discharged in 2010. "I think everybody will be different about how they feel about it, but now is the time to show that we are hundreds of thousands of people who have served our country who want justice, whether that's a line changed on paperwork or wearing a uniform again."

Despite career delays, jolted personal lives, and in some cases, life-threatening despair over their discharge, former members of the military expressed in interviews an eagerness to reenlist that superseded any bitterness or hardships. They said the pull of service, the uniqueness of the work and lifestyle, and the desire to help the armed forces transition into an era without the "don't ask, don't tell" policy motivated their decision to join the estimated 66,000 gay and lesbian people currently serving in the military, out or not.

Hernandez, 24, expected to become an officer before two ROTC colleagues at Texas A&M University reported his sexual orientation to superiors during his senior year for reasons that remain unknown. He thought he could survive the accusation and graduated with plans for a military career, until he learned about his discharge two months after it became official, along with an unexpected bill for thousands of dollars in student loans.

"I'm angry with the higher-ups at my unit that I felt were a little unprofessional and didn't communicate with me," he said. "There was no follow-up. I've yet to hear one word. I was in limbo for so many months."

Hernandez said he started talking to a recruiter about returning as an officer two months ago, although defense cutbacks and fulfilled recruitment quotas mean there are no guarantees. Still, he feels drawn by what the military means to him and his family, including cousins and a younger brother in the Marine Corps who thought the "don't ask, don't tell" policy was "awful."

"I have a huge respect for everything the military's given me and my family," he said. "It's a huge part of who we are as first-generation Americans, college graduates, and members of the military. It's just the lifestyle we live."

Maj. Mike Almy, one of the highest-ranking service members to be discharged under "don't ask, don't tell," knows the feeling of service in the blood. Born into a military family, he never found the same level of career satisfaction as a defense contractor after his discharge from the Air Force in 2006.

"I didn't have to think a lot about it at all," he said. "Growing up I always knew I was going to be in the military in some capacity or another. It sounds cliched, but it's really been my calling, what I've really enjoyed."

Almy, 41, lost all his retirement benefits from the discharge that resulted when the military searched his personal emails during a routine computer maintenance check in Iraq. He said repeal felt "very bittersweet" because it represented a "tremendous step forward" five years too late for him.

"Getting kicked out was the absolute low point of my life," he said. "I was completely devastated. I can honestly say I was suicidal after I was fired and struggled with depression for a few years afterward."

Although he yearns to return to active duty, Almy also wants to be reinstated to his full rank, which is why he filed a lawsuit with two other discharged officers. He said settlement negotiations are underway, and he awaits a resolution that will allow him to return to a different, hopefully even better, military.

"I want to finish what I started," he said. "I want to finish on my own terms. Now that we have repeal finished, what we need now in the military is role models, serving as role models right alongside straight counterparts. Now is the time to be out in the military."

Former staff sergeant David Hall wants to be part of the change too, even if it means accepting a position in the reserves as opposed to active duty. Ranked first in his Air Force ROTC class at the University of Alaska, Anchorage, and the recipient of a coveted pilot slot, he was discharged in 2002 when a fellow cadet reported him and his boyfriend, likely as retaliation over her own poor performance record.

"All of my peers, everyone I was on active duty with, is way ahead of me," he said. "They are all my bosses, when technically I probably should have been their boss."

Although he would receive superior pay and leadership opportunities as an officer, Hall, 37, faces age-limit considerations for officer training school, and ROTC is out of the question. He could return to his enlisted rank, and he anticipates conversations with recruiters for the reserves in the upcoming days, pending the dwindling availability of jobs in the military.

"I know it will bother me, but I will still be wearing the uniform and I think that's the most important part," he said. "It's important that some of us go back in and make a point. Whatever your stereotypes are, they are wrong and the policy was wrong. This [repeal] puts it on us to go back in and do our jobs and show that our sexual orientation has nothing to do with it."