The book of
lesbian love

The femme-femme dance is one I have yet to master. How do you find out if the woman you are interested in is in fact gay? Previously, working at Conde Nast, I used to roam around the cafeteria assuming that all of the attractive, seemingly straight women were in fact 100% straight. But then I thought, I guess I must be 100% straight too. I look like I could fit right in.

So how can you tell--aside from the obvious, meeting someone in a lesbian bar? Let's look at a different kind of scenario. You are walking into Barnes & Noble, and ahead you spot a woman who's just your type. Let's say she's the spitting image of Rachel McAdams (my new favorite), and you would love to find out if she could be interested in you. I would first make eye contact with her; see if her eyes linger, dart away, or don't catch at all.

If she does make eye contact and starts making the hand gesture of "Do I have something on my face?" you're either staring too hard or she's really not getting it. If you're successful--the woman has met your eyes, stayed, and lingered--you may be on to something. Remember to relax. It's exciting to get "eyes" from a hottie, but play it cool. Follow her (nonchalantly) to wherever she's going, be it travel, nonfiction, or (pray to God) the gay and lesbian section.

Get close enough to see if there's anything around her that may be a conversation starter. If she gives you a one-word answer, go find another lovely lady, and don't take it personally. If she actually engages in a conversation with you, you're in. Take your moment to smile inside and out.

Now here's the clincher: You need to somehow drop in that you either are gay or have a girlfriend or at least have had one. Maybe something like "My ex-girlfriend loved that book"--as your beautiful stranger holds said book. If her eyes go right to you and she's somewhat speechless for a minute, then she's probably straight. If she follows with a ton of interested and consequently interesting questions, you've got yourself a bi-curious straight girl; and if she tells you her ex-girlfriend hated it, well, looks like we've got a winner.

Barnes & Noble, straight bar, work cafeteria--this method might help you determine a woman's sexuality. Or you could always just take the easy route and ask her flat out. I find that scares most people, so I stick to the etiquette I feel I'd like to be approached with.