It Gets Better:

Most likely, I am one of those gays you don’t know you know: writer of a syndicated magazine column (QueerSay by Gossip Gay), producer of an award-winning variety show at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center (The Village Variety Pack), and a mover and shaker on more Hollywood red carpets than you can shake a superficial stick at. I am,by no means a celebrity, but I do consider myself a West Hollywood “professional gay” with strong opinions and an even stronger voice.

That is exactly why I found it imperative to create my personal “It Gets Better” antibullying video — with a unique, unconventional twist. I didn’t think much would come from it. A kitschy seven-minute stop-motion cartoon, it lightheartedly outlined my coming-out experience, complete with musical numbers and special guest appearances by Reba McEntire and HBO hottie Ryan Kwanten. As the video shows, I was outed to my entire eighth-grade class after expressing my love for my best friend, “Darren,” through a Reba karaoke mix tape. Painful bullying ensued at the hands of my classmates. However, in reaching out to my support system, I found the strength to move on. Darren eventually apologized, and all was once again right with the world.

Well, the cartoon went viral. Within a single day, it was shared over 200 times on Facebook. It was picked up by Towleroad, Funny or Die,  Frontiers magazine, Yahoo! and even here, online at The Advocate. NPR even mentioned it in one of its antibullying reports!

I received over 250 responses from friends and strangers alike; however, one letter in particular quite literally changed the course of my life. With no return address and signed simply “Billy,” this semi-anonymous note was written by a boy from my hometown — one currently attending my very same high school. The letter was a cry for help, detailing this boy’s personal struggle with his sexuality and the sadness it has created in his life: “I wish I had a friend like you in my life right now ... I do not have a family that loves me ... I am disappearing.”

After reading Billy’s letter, I soon realized that my “It Gets Better” cartoon was just the beginning of a greater story I was meant to tell. Although good-humored and with a heartwarming conclusion, the video did not speak my truth nor tell my real story. It did not detail what really happened; it was a lie.

In reality, Darren never apologized. The two of us went on to high school together but never spoke a single word to each other for four years. I graduated second in my class and was president of multiple extracurricular clubs. Darren, on the other hand, had turned to drugs and was suspended and arrested on more than one occasion. We were both victims of high school bullying, yet we had each dealt with it in our own way — one for the better and the other for the worse.

On the day before graduation I decided to write my former best friend a letter. I made it clear that I did not wish to rehash the past, that I wasn’t “hitting” on Darren — but to let him know that if he ever needed to talk, Darren could count on me. A year and a half passed without any communication. Then one day I received word that he had called my family’s home. The message was simple: “Michael, it’s Darren. Please call me.”

I never returned the call. Nine days later, Darren killed himself.