Advice: What If I YouTube My Marriage Proposal? 

Question: My boyfriend
and I live together in Delaware, which legalized same-sex civil unions earlier
this year. For years we’ve been talking – on and off — about making our
relationship legal when we could. Instead of some fancy chocolates or a bouquet
of roses for Valentine’s Day, I think I’ve come up with a unique gift: asking
him to marry me by posting a YouTube proposal on his Facebook page. What do you
think? 

Answer:  Do you like to take huge risks? Do you think his answer will be,
“I do!” If you answered “yes” to both questions, then (surprise) I’m actually all for this form of public
display of devotion.  

An Internet proposal
is another way for us to come out as couples and raise our friends’ and family
members’ awareness about the importance of the freedom to marry. Especially if
you’re thinking of your engagement as a political act, go for it.

In fact, while you
may think your idea is unique, I’m sorry to say you’re not the only trailblazer
on this front. Even a quick search on YouTube for “proposal” turns up quite a
few other video overtures, most of them by very creative and self-assured
partners. I wouldn’t be surprised if “Mitchell Pritchett” (Jesse Tyler
Ferguson) on Modern Family
goes this outré route one day.

One of my
favorite  “Will you marry me, Bill?”
videos stars a young New Yorker proposing to his boyfriend by making a
sweet-as-pecan-pie YouTube proposal, telling the whole world, “Our love is
real.” In the
video,  Mikey Rox (who admits
to more than 30 nervous, stammering takes) explains to his boyfriend Earl:

“When I was growing
up, I was made to feel that falling in love with a man who loves and respects
me was unnatural, but to be honest the love that I’ve gotten from you over the
past couple of years is the most natural thing I’ve ever felt in my life…. So,
today, Earl, I’d like to ask you if you’d marry me.”

At the end, Mikey
admits, “If you do say no, I’m going to look like a huge fool on the Internet.”
Fortunately for Mikey, Earl accepted the proposal via – where else? — his
Facebook page. Let’s hear it for these boys.

On the other hand
,if you answered “no”to either of my first questions, then my answer to you
would be, “lovely and romantic gesture, but no, not such a good idea.”  Proposing in public only to be turned
down is a humiliating and embarrassing experience for everyone, including the
audience – whether it’s 50,000 fans watching on the JumboTron or 1,000,000
YouTube viewers watching on their iPads. You really don’t want an audience if
your answer is going to be a stony “no” or “not now” or even a halting “baby,
we need to talk…”

Still, there’s no
need to send your Valentine’s Day along the boring old chocolate or flowers
route (not that there’s anything wrong with those, so long as there’s no baby’s
breath in that bouquet) when you can try some of these romantic gift ideas
suggested by Greg Melvin,  owner of
the chic boutique Babalu Miami: 

- Mix-and-match bath robes are sexy. As Melvin told me, “Dressing like this
is perfect for a romantic low-key evening at home and waking up in the morning
together.”

-
Votive candles and holders
always add a touch of romance to any couple’s evening and come in a variety
of scents.

- His
and his (or hers and hers) perfumes
can be just the thing as long as neither of you are scent-challenged.
"It’s often best to shop together for perfume since it’s very difficult to
choose perfume for someone else,” Melvin advises, “unless they know exactly
what they like.”

- Crystal
wine glasses add to any
celebration, including your V-Day toast.

Or, why not
mosey on down to your nearest JC Penney (or visit online), where you’ll find
hundreds of gifts that show your love and your support of Ellen DeGeneres as
the store’s new spokesperson. (Let the manager know that’s why you came out;
take a photo showing you at the store – or in front of your browser open to the
JCP page – Facebook it or tweet it, #JCPshopin.)

Happy
Valentine’s to one and all, single or partnered, or even if “it’s complicated.”

Steven Petrow is The Advocate’s
manners columnist and author of Steven Petrow’s Complete Gay
& Lesbian Manners and can be found online at
www.gaymanners.com.
or contact him on Facebook
and Twitter.  

Got a
question? Email Steven at ask@gaymanners.com.