Rue McClanahan…oh, just read it

By Advocate.com Editors

Originally published on Advocate.com July 11 2001 11:00 PM ET

As a public service, we relay verbatim from the July 16 edition of The New York Observer the exchange between hostess Rue McClanahan and the audience for “Faggot Feud,” a game show spoof that runs Wednesdays at midnight at the Blu Bar in New York’s Chelsea district:

“We got all these answers from a hundred faggots surveyed,” Ms. McClanahan assured the Master and Slave families from her podium, which was decorated with a large, glittery silver phallus. “So this is all legitimate–you know what I mean?

“Name something,” Ms. McClanahan continued, “that, although painful, provides much pleasure.”

One of the Masters hit his button and a blue police light started flashing.

“Anal sex!” he shouted.

“I think everybody heard that,” Ms. McClanahan said as a buzzer blared, indicating a wrong answer.

“Anal sex! I’m surprised!” she murmured.

Suddenly the judge up in the DJ booth changed his mind, and the correct-answer bell dinged as the words getting fucked appeared on a screen.

“Aha!” said Ms. McClanahan. “Where’s the next contestant?”

“Biting!” guessed another Master.

“I bet it’s up there!” Ms. McClanahan sang. The buzzer buzzed again.

“I can’t believe that biting isn’t on there! Well, let’s see what it is, for God’s sake!” she declared.

The correct answers were revealed.

“Nipple clamps! Oh, heavens–I hadn’t thought of that! These are hard questions!” Ms. McClanahan said.

“Other than lick,” she went on, “what is something else you can do with your tongue? Gee…”

“Flick!” a Slave chirped.

“What the hell’s a flick?” the judge demanded.

“I’ll show you later!” Ms. McClanahan said, looking over her shoulder toward the voice.

The buzzer buzzed.

“My guess would be ‘rim,’” a Slave said.

“Rim…rim…” Ms. McClanahan mused, pursing her lips. The bell dinged.

“What about that!” screamed Ms. McClanahan. Then, after giving the Masters a shot, she looked at the audience. “OK, now I’m going to tell you what I would say. I would say ‘stick it out.’”

“Oh, Rue,” the judge lamented as the buzzer sounded again. “Any other ideas?”

“No, that was it,” Ms. McClanahan said.