By Christopher Harrity
Originally published on Advocate.com May 10 2012 1:40 PM ET
Mother's Day can be a lot of pressure for celebrities. Roses? Kitsch on a stem. Brunch? Well, yes, but maybe "mommy and me time" is a little difficult. She takes care of her own plastic surgery bills. Plus she buys herself anything she wants.
Your mom's not looking so bad now, huh?
Here are our very carefully selected gift ideas for some very specific kids to give a few of our favorite moms. Please add your ideas in the comments below.
To Cher, from Chaz Bono
What's the most flattering gift a young man can purchase for his bigger-than-life mother? A gift of the spirit.
As Cher said in her Architectural Digest interview a few years back, "I am a Buddhist — who should always be in after-school detention."
She is also a big Pema Chödrön fan. So instead of a giant silver Chrome Hearts Buddha or a custom Pratesi Zafu and Zabuton, flatter her intelligence with this great recent CD collection: Awakening Love: Teachings and Practices to Cultivate a Limitless Heart by Pema Chödrön. It's eight CDs (nine hours, eight minutes), $69.95 (and be sure to make a copy for your iPod).
To Gloria Vanderbilt, from Anderson Cooper
OK, so your mother is famous for her great taste and artistic skills, among other things. She's slightly richer than God. Her decorating theme is sophisticated lunacy, so why not expand her collection with one of Click Mort's "recapitations?"
Click Mort’s work centers on indiscreet modifications to existing porcelain figurines. Each piece is a unique consolidation of two or more previously unrelated figures, with extensive cutting, sculpting, sanding, and painting required to unify them into a new, seamless whole. The result is kitsch resurrected in a still vaguely familiar but somewhat less cozy form.
These are both disturbing and very cool and playful. Think how cute one of these knickknacks would look among the Fabergé eggs and blanc de chine foo dogs?
To Madonna, from Lourdes Leon
This one could go either way depending, so Lourdes, be mindful of when you present these — two tickets to see Ricky Martin in Evita.
Yes, Madonna might have a minor issue with seeing the stage production of one of her movie roles. Or she might be hit with a wave of nostalgia. Either way, we know she really, really likes Martin.
Use your connections and get the best seats in the house.
To Courtney Love, from Frances Bean
Sometimes it's not easy having a famous mother. Sometimes it's hard watching your daughter mature into adulthood and start making her own decisions. Maybe this is the time for a cool getaway. Spa, relax, eat some gourmet grub. Mother-daughter mani-pedis. Maybe even a yoga and meditation class to clean up a little toxic whatever?
The Canyon Ranch resorts can set you up with a special package at one of its pretty dreamy locations in Tucson, Miami, or Lenox, Mass. And there's even a day spa in Las Vegas. C'mon, ladies, you know you need it.
To Barbra Streisand, from Jason Gould
Well, Jason, the easy answer here is a husband for you and and a grandchild for her. Are we right?
But maybe that's not what you want right now. That's cool. Instead show your mom you're a stand-up dude.
You guys both have a great political sense and philanthropic nature. Sure, she's loaded with talent, but you have made some great films yourself. We'd suggest donating your time to the Los Angeles Gay Men's Chorus's collaboration with It Gets Better and Speak Theater Arts. They are doing a nationwide tour of a new theater piece titled It Gets Better, building on the phenomenon that was created by Dan Savage.
You know they could use a boost from a powerhouse like yourself. Do it in your mother's name and present her with a card letting her know what you're doing. And you never know, there might be some cute young baritone that you hit it off with.
Here's the Kickstarter page to get you going.
To Dina Lohan, from Lindsay
It's hard to always look your best at every damn court appearance and media blitz. Keeping up with dark roots is hard enough, let alone the various effects of a hectic lifestyle on your delicate eye areas.
Nothing says dazzle-camouflage like a giant pair of sunglasses. In fact, since the whole world is writing about your lifestyles, fashions, and eyewear, what better gift than the Stunner of the Month Club?
It's an amazing deal, especially if you are cash-strapped from pesky lawyer fees and legal fines, sign up and get one new pair of sunglasses per month for the outrageous price of $9 per.