By Jeremy Kinser
Originally published on Advocate.com August 16 2012 6:41 PM ET
Entertainer Cheyenne Jackson, who was wed to longtime partner Monte Lapka last September, reveals his secrets for maintaining a strong marriage in a new interview with activist David Mixner.
It's already been an incredibly busy year for Jackson, who has released two gorgeous pop ballads this summer, filmed a role in Behind the Candelabra, Steven Soderbergh's movie about Liberace, guest-starred on Mockingbird Lane, the reboot of The Munsters series, and in November will star opposite Henry Winkler in the Broadway comedy The Performers. Fortunately for the in-demand actor he has an understanding husband in Lapka. He lists the reasons their union has been so successful:
1. Monte is not an actor.
2. He appreciates what I do and is proud of me. However, he isn't impressed by show business in general, and doesn't get excited to meet famous people or going to fancy events. He doesn't have a twitter account and has no aspirations to be famous in any way. When asked if we would ever be a part of a reality show, he quoted a friend of ours (a young, beautiful dark-haired Tony-winning Broadway darling) who once replied to a ludicrous question with the blunt..."I'd rather s*** in my own mouth." He is more interested in what you have to say about life and the world we live in, than what movie you just did.
3. He puts up with my mercurial actor nature.
4. We both fully realize that there is no perfect person. As soon as you come to the realization that you can't change someone, and truly accept each other for who you are, even if one of you isn't very tidy (me), or one of you noisily eats chips while the other is trying to get some work done (him)...then you are good to go.
5. Not only do we love each other, we actually like each other and would rather hang out together than with anybody else.
6. We talk a lot. Communication is key. Even if I am on the other coast, we speak at least 6-8 times a day.
7. We fight. Then we get over it. It's important to disagree and have arguments and feel safe enough with each other to get it out, but it's also important to be able to let it go. Some just take a little longer to do that. (me.) But I'm getting faster. Every fight is truly just about wanting to be heard. You can thank Oprah for that little chestnut.
8. He has a wicked, dry sense of humor, and doesn't suffer fools. That always gives me a metaphysical boner.
9. Even after 12 years, I miss him when he's not around.
10. SEPARATE BATHROOMS