By Jami Smith
Originally published on Advocate.com December 31 2011 10:50 PM ET
Every week, The Advocate's Jami Smith brings you
the top 10 tweets from LGBT comedians — and our favorite gay jokes from
straight comedians, or just whatever made us laugh. Follow
@gaysayer on Twitter now if you want daily updates.
And now a post from your host:
If there's grass on the field....mow it. I have to rub my face on that field.
— Jami Smith (@jamismithcomic) December 23, 2011
Number 10:
There's a new sex act called the "Customer Service". You hold a vibrator to your ear for 45 minutes and no one comes.
— jack mackenroth (@jackmackenroth) December 23, 2011
Number 9:
Don't have any plans for new year's probs just gonna have a quiet night in texting my exes "I can still taste your lips :'( <33" as usual
— Zackary what? (@Zackblows) December 28, 2011
Number 8:
Today, Marcus Bachmann reaffirmed his belief that marriage is a sacred institution reserved for one closeted gay man and one crazy bitch.
— Nick Stadler (@NickadooLA) December 16, 2011
Number 7:
Best part about being transgender is using my powers to turn people retroactively gay. THAT'S RIGHT, HIGH SCHOOL GIRLFRIEND. YOU A DYKE NOW.
— Avery Edison (@aedison) December 20, 2011
Number 6:
Small difference between a lady and a woman. HUGE difference between a cat lady and a Catwoman.
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 18, 2011
Number 5:
I've decided to start calling hangovers "wine flu", it's much more dignified.
— lola jane reid (@candyforbfast) December 21, 2011
Number 4:
When people say, "Jesus take the wheel." Tell them "Not baby Jesus, he's a TERRIBLE driver."
— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) December 23, 2011
Number 3:
"This is where the magic happens." - Harry Potter walking into his bedroom and every other room on MTV Cribs.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) December 23, 2011
Number 2:
Just opened a bottle of wine and threw the cork in the garbage. That's called "confidence".
— rachel lichtman (@DJRotaryRachel) December 31, 2011
Number 1, Best Tweet Ever:
"Spread it open as wide as you can. Okay now hold still." - Georgia O'Keeffe
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 30, 2011
Links:
[1] http://www.advocate.com/
[2] http://www.twitter.com/gaysayer
[3] https://twitter.com/jamismithcomic/status/150357070363889667
[4] https://twitter.com/jackmackenroth/status/150225796945018881
[5] https://twitter.com/Zackblows/status/152154098949554177
[6] https://twitter.com/NickadooLA/status/147819560043675648
[7] https://twitter.com/aedison/status/149156590061240320
[8] https://twitter.com/meganamram/status/148235827061854208
[9] https://twitter.com/candyforbfast/status/149495135493828608
[10] https://twitter.com/kellyoxford/status/150331962165444609
[11] https://twitter.com/hipstermermaid/status/150323777429975040
[12] https://twitter.com/DJRotaryRachel/status/152936623670169601
[13] https://twitter.com/IamEnidColeslaw/status/152603172731502592