By Jami Smith
Originally published on Advocate.com February 10 2012 8:20 PM ET
Every week, The Advocate's Jami Smith brings you the top 10 tweets
from LGBT comedians — and our favorite gay jokes from straight comedians, or
just whatever made us laugh. For previous editions of this series, check out
the Comedy section. Or please join the more than 4,000 people who follow
@gaysayer on Twitter now for daily updates.
A post from your host:
Mom still periodically asks me if being a lesbian means wanting to be a man. Today, I caved and told her to make me a god damned sandwich.
— Jami Smith (@jamismithcomic) February 6, 2012
Number 10:
Always being prepared for sex means carrying a condom and a bucket, in case you get nervous and throw up in the middle.
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) February 9, 2012
Number 9:
Everyone: I beg you, please give Seal his privacy, as we have since he had that one song 90 years ago.
— Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) February 5, 2012
Number 8:
You say tomato. I say FRIEND!? You say no. I cry in the corner for a while.
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) February 9, 2012
Number 7:
I put on my pants just like you, reluctantly, when the doorbell rings.
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 7, 2012
Number 6:
Is it wrong to write to the other lesbians on OKCupid just to ask who cuts their hair? Sometimes I have other needs as a woman.
— Claudia Cogan (@blaudiablogan) February 5, 2012
Number 5:
You can find me in the club! Just kidding, you can find me openly weeping in a food court eating Sbarro's pizza.
— James Garrett (@BuddyFaceHead) February 9, 2012
Number 4:
As important as it is to fight opponents of marriage equality, we must never forget to pity them, make fun of them, & fart on/near them.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) February 7, 2012
Number 3:
I confess, I've been in a room full of grown men reciting quotes from Mean Girls and thought, "Maybe we shouldn't be allowed to marry."
— Nick Stadler (@NickadooLA) February 9, 2012
Number 2:
Mom, leaving a tampon in for 14 hours is the bravest thing I've ever done. So the answer is no, I would not take a bullet for you.
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 9, 2012
Number 1, Best Tweet Ever:
I bet Anne Heche's agent is suggesting "eating pussy just one more time" at this point.
— Sweet Meat Milum(@smilum77) February 8, 2012
Links:
[1] http://www.advocate.com/
[2] http://www.twitter.com/gaysayer
[3] https://twitter.com/jamismithcomic/status/166671259646697472
[4] https://twitter.com/LouisPeitzman/status/167527043964207104
[5] https://twitter.com/BorowitzReport/status/165998658486145025
[6] https://twitter.com/hipstermermaid/status/167445185033273344
[7] https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/166791284256800768
[8] https://twitter.com/blaudiablogan/status/165994257767874561
[9] https://twitter.com/BuddyFaceHead/status/167738271542149120
[10] https://twitter.com/robdelaney/status/166983296381763584
[11] https://twitter.com/NickadooLA/status/167411874651062272
[12] https://twitter.com/IamEnidColeslaw/status/167686034090491905
[13] https://twitter.com/smilum77/status/167095830745055232