Best Tweet Ever: What's Plan B for an Olympic Athlete?

By Jami Smith

Originally published on Advocate.com July 30 2012 7:00 AM ET

Olympians train their whole lives for the chance to win a gold medal. This week’s Best Tweet Ever from Kelly Oxford offers an alternative for those athletes who don’t make it. Also this week on Best Tweet Ever: Why Kristen Stewart cheated and the plight of a gay Boy Scout leader.

As always, The Advocate's Jami Smith brings you the 10 funniest tweets from LGBT comedians and their straight allies. New jokes are posted every day on Twitter.  If you like laughing, join the more than 6,000 people who already follow @gaysayer.

A post from your host:

I'll settle for cuddle-ingus

— Jami Smith (@jamismithcomic) July 14, 2012

 

Number 10:

I wonder how many Village People it takes to raise a child.

— Zoë Klar (@madamezooble) July 27, 2012

 

Number 9:

Why does every mom in every commercial have to look like they bought their vagina at Old Navy?

— Jessi Klein (@jessirklein) November 16, 2011

 

Number 8:

I can't blame Kristen Stewart for cheating. Halfway through masturbating about Robert Pattison, I get bored and masturbate to someone else.

— Nick Stadler (@NickadooLA) July 26, 2012

 

Number 7:

I am starting to think Christina Aguilera was never a genie and is just a whore.

— Brent Smith (@Brentweets) July 27, 2012

Number 6:

Europe is jamming my gaydar.

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) July 6, 2012

 

Number 5:

♬It's hard out there for a pimp/But like a million times worse for his exploited prostitutes/who are probably like "cry me a river, pimp."♬

— Annabel Oakes (@annabeloakes) July 27, 2012

 

Number 4:

The best part of the Parade of Nations is Iran, Iraq, and Israel. Way to inflame international tensions, letter 'i'.

— God (@TheTweetOfGod) July 28, 2012

 

Number 3:

Doesn't it break your heart to think of a gay Boy Scouts leader putting up with all that beige?

— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) July 18, 2012

 

Number 2:

I'd watch an Olympic sport where spoiled, bratty kids remained quiet while my mom pointed out all of their physical flaws.

— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) July 28, 2012

Number 1, Best Tweet Ever:

These Olympic gymnasts are so lucky they don't have to become awesome strippers.

— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) July 28, 2012