#TBT: Book Titles That Concern Us

By Christopher Harrity

Originally published on Advocate.com May 01 2014 7:00 AM ET

Summer is almost here. If you like to scour the used-book shelf as much as we do, here are a few titles to add to your summer reading list. We're totally judging these books by their covers.


Obviously one reels them in. In a tie and slacks.

 


What will you tell them when they start asking about finger waves and marcels?

 


A novel about the dark world of pillow fights by Chas. J. Mansford.


A magazine for men who don't want to get married. Ever. No way, Mary.

 


Well, first, it's wise to keep condoms in the glove box in case the AAA man seems amenable.

 


You have a filthy mind. We are certain this book is about wholesome fun, like skipping stones on the pond, sneaking through Dad's underwear drawer, and knot-tying techniques for advanced games of cowboys and Indians.


Is a word or two missing here? Like "conjoined twins"?

 


Hey you! Yeah, you on the mats reading those old copies of Bachelor. Your turn on the rings, girl.

 


Another Chas. J. Mansford classic about pajamas, suspenders, and home invasion.


Sorry, folks. All Hardy Boys books are gay. GAY-gay.

 


Everybody likes butch what? Oh, got it. The boy's name. Hmm. Is this like where they call the very large man "Tiny"? Because those baggy anklets ... well, never mind.

 

We aren't concerned with the sex facts that pertain to women at all here, buddy.


Once again. It's all about finger waves and marcels.

 


Stains indicate this book was very "handy."

 


"Take my arm, Tad. Cecil and I are gong to go congugate verbs in the sylvan glade. Jolly fun."


That's right, you bad boy, just keep stabbing my doughnut.

 


Perhaps we can give this to little Butch from the book further back.

 


Yeah, the other fellow is white, male, and lives down the block.


The final book in our Chas. J. Mansford series. If you boys could keep your eyes on the ball instead of the title, we might win one these things.