By Christopher Harrity
Originally published on Advocate.com May 29 2014 4:00 AM ET
Yep. It's past Memorial Day. You put it off far too long, and you really can't skip a whole summer. Perhaps these glimpses of high-waisted, strappy, liner-less suits from the past will help inspire you to pull it together. Or, like me, you can sign up for the Bacon-of-the-Month Club.
Women aren't the only victims of perfect-body expectations. This 1938 Janzten ad shows the original inspiration for Barbie's legs. On a man.
Sudden bathing suit strap drop syndrome. Get vaccinated.
Belted for your pleasure.
"R" stands for Really Fit.
Rock Hudson in a tasteful square-cut.
Up to no good on Bondi Beach in the '30s.
Before and after shots. Brylcreem adds such lovely highlights to the thighs.
Rudolph Valentino, before the invention of bathing suit liners.
Take your pick. Many selections available for those with belly button modesty issues.
I have to go lie down for a minute. Caption this one yourself.
Something super gay is going on here. Not quite sure what. I'm sure our readers will help.
Made you look!
Remember when Dad used to go out with that dirty cushion and lie right down on the dock? Oh, the splinters were something awful.
Sal Mineo in Who Killed Teddy Bear? 1965
Rock Hudson and George Nader rubbing flanks.
"Stop it! Stop it! No! I won't be your beard!"
Tab Hunter and Rudolf Nureyev should probably get a room.
Feeling very "Colonel" these days. Damn cronuts.
Plaid about the boy.
Caution: White bathing suits can become completely transparent when wet on the beaches of North Africa.
More "pre-liner" bathing suits. In fact, not sure these are even bathing suits. More like tattered bits of stretchy fabric that have lost all sense of support and decency.
Monty Clift in an "up-shorts" shot.
It's a MAN'S BATHING SUIT, damn it. It says so in huge letters.
Cunning '70s suits. But those hip zippers are going to be quite twisty when you need to take a leak.